You know, the elliptical machine I can handle. Really, the physical exertion is not the problem here.

What is killing me by inches is the two thirty-minute pockets of mind numbing teevee I am forced to endure as I stride through the cardio portion of my workout.

There is but one teevee in the cardio section of my teensy gym. Now, if I should ever be allowed to actually handle the tee vee remote, I would pick something like, oh, I don't know, say "Our Feces Flinging Cousins". (No, that's not genealogy--this would be a nature show about monkeys.)

Sadly, I have never been able to wrest control of the remote from anyone else and thus I am forced to either endure ESPN (Oh, joy, obscure sports statistics illustrated with people playing sports I DON'T CARE ABOUT), some self-help show (lady, I really don't want to know that you are sleeping with both your daughter's boyfriend and his chihuahua), or a game show.

It is sapping my will to live.

In an effort to blot out the horror, I have been bringing my CD player with me to the gym, but almost all the music I own is in the vein of the Indigo Girls, Sarah McLachlan, Mary-Chapin Carpenter or Bonnie Raitt. This is not exactly the sort of Take No Prisoners High Energy Tunage that could help push me through my workout.

So I am throwing myself on the mercy of my three loyal readers. Yes, I am grovelling. Yes, I am begging.

Could one or two of you find it in your hearts to make me a mix CD to get me through my cardio workouts?

My needs are simple. Both my cardio workouts run 30 minutes. Two minutes at the end of that 30 minutes should be kind of soothing because it's my cool down cycle. I need to get my heart rate down at that point so I don't die of a heart attack or stroke as I walk towards the free weights section.

Oddly enough, dying is not one of the things they encourage at my gym.

Of course, the CD can be as long as you want. I am open to listening to that new-fangled music you zygotes get all hepped up about with a few exceptions. I must confess that I don't like metal, rap, or hip hop. I know. You had me pegged as a devotee of Death Metal.

What can I say?

So, if you're up to the challenge of creating The Ultimate Most Amazing Workout CD Ever, please, please puh-LEESE drop me an e-mail at marn at diaryland dot com and let me know. Remember, you, and you alone, could restore my will to live. Really. I mean it.

If you are a resident of the U.S., I will reward your generosity with The Forbidden Candy, Kinder Eggs. If you come from some other part of the world, I will try to think up something equivalent.

Please, save me from the daytime teevee.

--Marn

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