The spousal unit was chortling when he slid this week's New Yorker across the table to me.

"This is us 20 years from now," he teased, pointing to this cartoon.

I didn't know how to break the news to him, so I didn't, eh.

Take the dog out of the picture, and it's pretty much us right now. I am constantly driving him mental by discussing my houseplants as if they were people.

Which reminds me, it's time for an update on Audrey The Philodendron Intent On Total World Domination.

I think we can all agree that philodendrons are not known for either a) their intelligence or b) their proclivity to travel. I, for one, don't recall ever seeing a philodendron writing pithy letters to the editor, nor have I seen one featured as a protagonist in a travelogue.

Audrey, being your typical philodendron, holds the firm opinion that the world begins and ends with what she can see, which would be for all intensive purposes my living room. When she schemes for Total World Domination, she is basically plotting a complete overrun of one fairly large room.

I haven't had the heart to tell her any different.

As my three loyal readers probably recall, when they last saw Audrey (the plant in the white pot at the top of the bookcase in this picture) she had barely made it to my living room window. As of today, she has spanned the window and is now marching with Napoleon like vigour towards the next set of bookcases.

If she keeps up this blistering pace, she will have finished conquering the western wall of our house by June.

I have to admit, I find this alarming.

Yes, I am the sort of person who is intimidated by a philodendron.

Oh, be quiet.

--Marn