Tuesday, Apr. 15, 2003
Dear Diary:

You'll be relieved to know that my beer wound is healing nicely and it's barely noticeable today.

I know. Really, is there anything more exciting than hearing about someone else's boo boo? My thoughts, exactly.

I incurred said wound while recharging the fridge with beer Saturday morning. Now that the good weather is upon us, the spousal unit and I like to sit outside after supper sipping an icy brew and just soaking up all the peace and quiet.

Well, it would be peace and quiet if we could get the yellow finches to stop singing.

Stupid finches and their need to get laid. Once the tumult of spring is over and everyone is appropriately sexed up, things will settle down here immeasurably. But right now it's pretty raucous.

Wait a minute. This Is Supposed To Be About Me! And My Beer Wound!

Well, to get back to my story, I was kind of multitasking. I'd just finished washing the dishes and my hands were kind of wet when I scooped up a couple of bottles of beer in each. I managed to hook open the fridge door with an index finger, but that loosened my grip on one of the beer enough that I lost my hold on it.

It dropped directly on the middle knuckle of my little piggy that likes roast beef. Oh, don't pretend that you've never done the little piggies dealie with your toes.

I let out a roar of pain and then a string of words that most of you would never, ever guess I know. The spousal unit ran downstairs and through clenched teeth I whimpered out my sorry tale. The little piggy that likes roast beef was swelling and darkening, but I could bend it. "I don't think I broke it," I said.

"Yeah But What About THE BEER?" the spousal unit asked in mock horror.

I hate it when I really want to be a sucky, whiny baby and instead he makes me laugh.

Want to know the coolest part? The toe bruised to a really scary colour of purple mixed with a putrid kind of yellow But Within Minutes It Only Hurt A Little Bit. So I had all the trappings of a very serious looking wound with very little discomfort. Bonus!

Oh, but I played the sympathy card big time. Hobbled slightly--nothing dramatic, just enough to convey What A Brave Buckaroo I Was Being. Through skillful use of my beer wound, not only did I get out of some chores, heck I even got fussed over somewhat. Ahhhhhh, I had a sweet thing going.

Then Monday morning I made the big mistake of going to the gym and that evening mentioning to the spousal unit that I'd clocked nearly five miles on the elliptical machine, earning another virtual rubber duck.

He instantly realized I no longer had a bona fide boo boo.

Gone was the Get Out Of Dishes Free Card.

Gone were the solicitous murmurs and glances.

Gone.

All gone.

I miss them so.

--Marn

Mileage on the Marnometer: 202.79 miles (326.3 kilometers) Ten percent there rubber duck.Ten percent there rubber duck.Ten percent there rubber duck.Ten percent there rubber duck.
Goal for 2003: 500 miles - 804.5 kilometers

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Want to delve into my sordid past?
She's mellllllllllllllting - Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2012 - Back off, Buble - Monday, Dec. 19, 2011 - Dispersed - Monday, Nov. 28, 2011 - Nothing comes for free - Monday, Nov. 21, 2011 - None of her business - Friday, Nov. 04, 2011 -


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