����I've been shifting my workout away from the machines in my gym towards free weights. I have one word to say about this:

����I've been kind of nervous about free weights because the only woman I've seen at my gym who does a lot of free weight work competes as a bodybuilder and, well, I was afraid I would bulk out like that and look a little too much like The Incredible Hulk for my taste. Not that I have anything against extremely muscular green people ... it's just that it's not a look I'm working towards.

����My trainer said the secret is low weights and lots of reps of the exercises--you build strength, not bulk. What he didn't mention that you get all sorts of aches in muscles you didn't even know you had. Fine.

����Since there's been a payoff in how my older-than-dirt carcass looks, I'm willing to pay the price.

����Anyhow, today right after my workout I headed off into town to do my shopping. Marn apr�s gym is not a pretty sight. No make-up, sweaty hair jammed into a pony tail, and while some women glow tastefully when they perspire, when I sweat my skin goes Porky Pig pink. Oh yeah, I'm pure sex on a stick right after the gym.

���� (Not that I've ever BEEN anyone's idea of sex on a stick, but a woman can dream, right?)

����Who should I meet in the grocery store? Why, my mom-in-law. To set the scene here you need to know two things. My mom-in-law is in her late 70's and doesn't hear all that well and so she tends to speak quite loudly. Over the last few years she's pretty much decided to say exactly what she is thinking.

����So while most of us have an "edit" button that makes us say socially appropriate things, my mom-in-law is pure stream of consciousness.

����She spotted me in the store and said, "MY GOD YOU'VE GOTTEN SO SKINNY I ALMOST DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU." I'm not really skinny, but I'm kind of tickled that she's noticed the effects of how hard I've been working out.

����Then she looked me up and down and said, "BUT WHERE HAVE YOUR BREASTS GONE?"

����I stood there for a moment even more stunned than usual because this is not your usual grocery store chit chat and it's been said at a volume that ensures that everyone in our aisle has heard it. Then my razor sharp wit kicked in and I quickly replied,

����"Um, I dunno".

����Oh yeah, I'm expecting a call from Dennis Miller at any moment begging me to come on board as a quip writer for him on the strength of THAT bon mot.

����Not.

����Then my mom-in-law sailed blithely on down the aisle, her mission completed, leaving me in her wake with my jaw scraping the floor. When I told the story tonight to the spousal unit, we both laughed so hard we almost peed ourselves.

����I also told the story to a friend and he gave me the perfect comeback. He said I should have started rummaging around the bags in my cart and said, "Damn, what DID I do with them? They were right here a minute ago."

����Yep, a mere six hours after the fact, and I now have the perfect comeback.

����Don't you just hate it when that happens?

--Marn