The following is a public service announcement aimed at any male who might be among the three loyal readers of The Big Adventure and is brought to you by our sponsor, the ruthless multinational, MarnCo.

Gentlemen, turning to your partner at night while she is lightly dozing, caressing her arm and tenderly asking her if she is awake does NOT count as foreplay. Really. It's true. If you do this while the woman is in some discomfort from, say, vigourous physical exercise, the management cannot be held responsible for any bodily injury you might sustain.

We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming.

Ah, the marital duties.

Is there anything quite so contentious in any coupling as the issue of frequency and quality of the marital duties?

I THINK NOT.

Part of this comes from the biological differences between males and females. Over thousands of years the species has been genetically programmed with different gender-based priorities.

For men these priorities are:

1) air
2) sex
3) food
4) alcohol and
5) televised sports.

For women these priorities are:

1) air
2) good hair
3) chocolate
4) world domination and
5) sex.

Really, it's amazing we procreate at all, considering the time that must be spent ensuring good hair and world domination.

Those of us who live with the tripods quickly realize that they are intensely visual. I think I speak for us all when I say the words "bend over at your own risk" pretty much sum up the situation there.

We women, on the other hand, respond more to emotional stimulus coupled with gradually intensifying caresses and kisses.

It takes us time to warm up to the notion that it would be fun to do something that not only interferes with Good Hair but also cuts into Our Precious Chocolate Eating Time.

See, it's not that we don't enjoy sex (Can you say "multiple orgasms" boys and girls? Why sure you can!), it's that genetically--because of The Hair Imperative--it's a lower priority and we can't go from 0 to 60 the way a man can.

There. I think that incredibly contorted run-on sentence just about sums it all up. Are we all clear now?

I do hope I've dealt with any misconceptions out there that might have existed regarding gender attitudes toward matters sexual. After all, if you can't trust the information you get on the internet, what CAN you trust, eh?

My thoughts, exactly

--Marn

Mileage on the Marnometer: 16.4 miles - 26.3876 kilometers
Goal for 2003: 500 miles - 804.5 kilometers