2000-05-10
Dear Diary:

����Three days of almost non-stop rain. Blue does not begin to cover how low I've felt for the last day or so. Thank God for Zubby and his Cunning Plan, he gave me some giggles tonight.

Zubby, originator of  The Cunning Plan.����It's hunting season again for our cats, and Zubby especially loves to parade his dead (or sometimes playing dead) things for our approval. We've made it clear we won't let him in the house if he has anything in his mouth, which he finds most unfair.

����So in the last few days he has developed A Cunning Plan. What he does is run up the fire escape, bring his dead thing to the window at the foot of our bed, and drop it on the sill. Then he sits on it so we can't see it. He yells to be let in, we see a cat without anything in its mouth. We open the window to let him in. He picks up his latest victim and bolts into the house.

����It worked once on me, he got a big juicy field mouse into the house before I knew he was carrying. Have you ever walked down a darkened stairway to get a glass of water and stepped on a freshly dead thing? It's not something I recommend.

����Now I know the cats think that when Paul and I are talking we're mostly making blah blah sounds. They recognize their names and phrases like, "wanna go out" or "kill the space alien" ... well maybe not the last one, but you know what I mean. So I don't think Zubby realized that I had filled Paul in on his new Cunning Plan.

����So tonight Paul is napping on the bed, and is half wakened from his sleep by Zubby yelling to be let in. I remind sleepy head of the Cunning Plan and Paul makes like he's going to open up the window. Zubby moves too fast and sure enough, presto chango, he produces a pining for the fjords mouse from under his butt. (Yes, I love Monty Python.)

����Paul tells him he's not coming in. Zubby sulks. Paul falls back asleep.

����A while later I hear the thump as the cat jumps down from the window, the tup tup tup sound of him running down the fire escape stairs, silence, then the scrabbling sound of him climbing up the other side of our log house. He's going to try the window at the head of our bed.

����A New Improved Cunning Plan. While the cold, uncaring humans have uncovered the fire escape version of the Cunning Plan, surely they can be fooled by the Extremely Devious Climbing Up The House and Using Another Window Plan.

����I'm here at my keyboard working on a letter. I hear Zubby yelling at the window, assume that Paul has remembered the Cunning Plan and don't say anything. The glass slides open. There is a pause, cursing, and then Paul has to start chasing Zubby who has bolted into the house with his dead thing.

����Paul is not a happy guy, and the fact that I am laughing so hard I'm afraid I'm going to pee my pants is not helping the situation at all.

����Cat 2, Humans 1.

--Marn

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