The pond water is finally warming up; the waterlilies have awakened and are sending out their first leaves.

Me, I can hardly wait until they start to flower, beautiful pale yellow blossoms with the most wonderful spicy perfume.

My goldfish are also big waterlily fans, just love hiding in them, but they also like to bask in the sun. So ...

They often stick their heads under the waterlilies but leave their bodies out, which probably makes them feel all cunning and hidden because jeepers THEY can't see anyone.

DUH. Goldfish are about as sharp as a bag of marbles.

I used to keep koi, exquisitely beautiful multi-coloured fish from Japan that can grow to be quite magnificent. Mine had reached about 16 inches and I had taught them a simple trick.

(Are you keeping track? This would be proof #872 that I have no life at all.)

Anyhow, I would stomp my feet three times before I fed them their pellets, so they learned to come to wherever I was standing if I became Stompin' Marn.

Used to impress the beejeezus out of visitors, seeing this big school of large multicoloured fish all come to within inches of the bank.

They were fun to swim with, too, utterly tame and without fear. But one winter the pond froze too hard, I couldn't keep large enough holes melted in the surface to vent out the carbon dioxide, and the hibernating koi smothered.

Broke my heart and I swore never again.

So now I keep goldfish. They need less oxygen but they aren't nearly as beautiful or fun as the koi.

They don't seem as smart, either, but then I'm thinking that if you could listen to any fishie's thought processes, you'd mostly be hearing a dial tone.

They probably think the same thing about me. Hate to admit how often they'd be right.