2001-01-09
Dear Diary:

So have any of you put any thought into protecting yourselves against mind control? HUH?

Just as I thought.

I'll bet you're not flossing every day, either.

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

See, that's the problem with you neonates. You didn't grow up watching cheesy 1950's sci fi movies or the original Star Trek. Anyone who got their basic science from those sources KNOWS that the minute aliens find Earth they are going to use mind control to turn us all into zombies and then take over the planet.

I mean, sheesh. Get on the beam here, people.

I was thinking about all this when I checked in to see how the incredibly cute, yet deeply feared Team Newkirk is doing in the SETI@Home program, the Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence. Our climb towards the world top 100 continues smoothly. Thanks to a fresh infusion of more Diarylanders our cuteness has risen exponentially AND we just crushed yet another Dutch team.

(I'm telling you, for a country that's about the size of my back yard, The Netherlands has an amazing SETI presence. Crushing those power-crazed Dutch is turning out to be a much bigger deal than I ever thought, eh.)

But we ARE a-crushing away. Team Newkirk has gotten our units up more than 20,000 times now while looking for signs of extra-terrestrial intelligence out there in space.

Honey, when it comes to getting our units up, We Da Man!

At first I was sad that we still haven't been contacted by any little green guys. Now I'm thinking that's maybe not a bad thing because of the threat of alien mind control if they do find us!

I mean, What ... If ... They ... Come ... After ... Team ... Newkirk?

I was out combing the web for a solution the other night and stumbled across The Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie Homepage with instructions on how to make (and I quote) "An Effective, Low-Cost Solution To Combating Mind-Control".

You can just imagine my relief, eh.

This site weighs alternatives carefully. For instance, some folks call aluminum "tin foil" which raises the question: could we make our mind control deflector beanies out of tin? Here's what the site says:

A small, but vocal, contingent even argues that tin is superior, but they are held by most to be the lunatic fringe of Foil Deflector Beanie science. I would advise people wishing to build a Deflector Beanie to stick with aluminum whenever possible since it is a proven technology.

Whew.

We ALL want to stay away from the lunatic fringe stuff, eh.

I ask Paul to make Zubby a simple beanie and I come out to find he looks like a Mongol raider.  The funniest part was that the cat actually LIKED the hat, eh and preened in it. The site also makes the very valid point that our pets are also at risk. As you can see, I'm not just taking precautions for myself. I'm also looking out for the fluffy members of the family.

So, to sum up, a foil deflector beanie might help save your mind and that of your beloved pets.

You can't say you weren't warned.

Oh, and it wouldn't kill you to floss once in a while, either, eh.

--Marn

Old Drivel - New Drivel


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2000, 2001, 2002 Marn. This is me, dagnabbit. You be you.