Monday, Aug. 05, 2002
Dear Diary:

The spousal unit is the proud owner of The Ten Toenails of Death. I have suffered and suffered mightily at his hands (or should I say his feet?) because of those things.

If they ever start some sort of martial art that involves smiting people with your toenails, then he will be The Top Dog, The Master, the High Lord Poobah of the Toenail Smiters.

I swear, the man is a velociraptor.

And I want you to know right here, right now that if that martial art ever happens I intend to remain the same woman you've always known.

Unless there's a tiara involved, of course.

If, as consort of the High Lord Poobah of Toenail Smiters I must wear a tiara, then all bets are off.

Hopefully it won't come to that.

The Ten Toenails of Death have been a recurring problem through our marriage. After years of practice, I have learned to sleep in positions that keep me away from those slicing and dicing wonders. The contortionists over at the Cirque du Soleil could learn a thing or two from me, eh.

I know, I know. If he'd just keep the dratted things trimmed none of this would be an issue.

As the proud owners of not one but TWO chainsaws we obviously do have ways to keep The Ten Toes of Death under control. I have encouraged him (nagging being such a pejorative word, don't you find?) to do that, but there are times when he forgets.

This morning was one of them. We were stumbling around in our usual pre-tea haze and our feet crossed.

I was the one limping to my chair muttering dark imprecations.

He was the one apologizing profusely.

Again.

The good news is that I think he did a little toenail bushwacking which means I have about a week of relative safety. After that, it's back to square one.

My un-indicted co-conspirator Donna Girl uses the term earworm to describe the evil that is someone suggesting a song that rattles around in your head for the rest of the day.

Remember that song "Bette Davis Eyes"?

Well, think of me as the spouse of "Freddy Kruger Feet."

Don't you just HATE IT when people plant earworms like that?

--Marn

Old Drivel - New Drivel


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She's mellllllllllllllting - Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2012 - Back off, Buble - Monday, Dec. 19, 2011 - Dispersed - Monday, Nov. 28, 2011 - Nothing comes for free - Monday, Nov. 21, 2011 - None of her business - Friday, Nov. 04, 2011 -


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