First off, bless all three loyal readers who weighed in with their Adventures in Cat Urine.

We took Zubby to the vet since so many of you mentioned that a cat suddenly abandoning the kitty litter can be a sign he's sick. This toilet training breakdown is the first that's ever happened with a cat I've owned, so I had not idea it could be a big deal.

Our vet confirmed that yep, it's often a sign of health problems, but she couldn't find anything wrong with Zub despite a very, very thorough checkup.

He was a real trooper since this involved much poking and prodding as well as examining his manhood, followed by a thermometer in a very, very private place and then a finger in same private place. Since a cat doesn't understand the words "cough and turn your head" the final two came as a shock.

He was a very, very brave buckaroo and didn't even whine. For the next few days we have to watch him to make sure he's not drinking water excessively or straining when he uses the kitty litter, both possible signs of crystals in his urine, apparently a problem in male cats.

This watching business is harder than it sounds since cats tend to get testy if you follow them and watch their uh bathroom efforts. There is no creature on the planet that can convey the words "GET A LIFE" more effectively than a cat can, even a cat with its buttal region planted in kitty litter.

So, with physical problems not exactly ruled out but off to one side somewhat, we're back to behavioural problems. The vet said that if there's a stray coming around and spraying in our yard or if the other two cats have been getting on Zubby's last nerve, he may simply be marking his territory.

So in addition to following my cat around as he drinks and uses the bathroom, the spousal unit and I are making a special effort to show him extra affection and reassurance. To quote the spousal unit:

The leaky wheel gets the grease.

We've been under winter storm warnings, so running out to shop hasn't been much of an option. Using what I had at hand and your suggestions, I scrubbed down the affected areas of the sub-floor with vinegar and smeared them with a baking soda paste that I let dry and then vacuumed off. The smell is gone and so far there haven't been any relapses.

Next time I'm in a bigger town, I'll track down the other products you mentioned since he may try to hit carpeting at some point in the future and I doubt vinegar and baking soda would work there.

If only the drama ended there. In addition to owning a leaky cat, it appears I have also adopted a kleptomaniac cat.

It started slowly, but then these things always do.

A few weeks back we heard Norma singing her own distinctive version of the "I Got Me A Dead Thing, Momma" blues, that catchy little ditty cats trill when they've caught something.

As you can well imagine, I was pretty thrilled by the idea that we finally had a house cat that deigned to catch mice INSIDE the house since Zubby only catches things OUTSIDE the house. Apparently he only likes imported mice and domestic mice are too plebian for his refined palate.

Fine.

So I ran downstairs all set to give Norma bounteous praises for her efforts and found her with a big, fat work glove in her mouth. Yes, that's right, she had "caught" one of the spousal unit's work gloves.

Since then she's caught his work gloves more times than I want to think about, a chamois cloth out of his tool box, and several of his winter hats. At first, she would "catch" things and leave them on the kitchen floor to for us to admire. That was weird, but okay.

Then about a week ago she decided that she should hide anything she caught -- sort of a kitty cache of dead things.

This was endlessly funny to me as long as she was hiding the spousal unit's things.

Then this week she developed a dark and disturbing fascination with my own winter hat and gloves. They are black. It is very, very hard to find black things that a cat has cunningly hidden in unexpected places.

Words Have Been Spoken to Norma.

They Have Not Been Kind Words.

They have not registered a bit.

So now when I come into the house I can no longer drop my hat and gloves in the accustomed place, on top of my purse on a chair at the kitchen table. No, now I must remember to hide my hat and gloves from my kleptomaniac cat.

So as of today I own one leaky cat and one kleptomaniac cat.

I can hardly wait to see what charming little quirk Enid decides to develop, eh.

--Marn

Mileage on the Marnometer: 548.33 miles (857.9 kilometers)
met goal Nov. 7

Goal for 2003: 500 miles - 804.5 kilometers