Sunday, Jan. 13, 2008
Dear People Who Package The Food I Buy In Resealable Bags:

Let's start this off on a positive note, shall we?

Alrighty, then. Kudos on being so thoughtful as to package your product in a resealable bag. I am grateful that I don't have to use plastic wrap or dirty a container to keep your product fresh. You've helped me to walk that little bit more lightly on the planet and hey, that matters to me.

So there's our warm and fuzzy moment.

Savour it, because it's over.

WOULD IT KILL YOU TO PERFORATE ABOVE THE RESEALABLE BIT ON YOUR PACKAGE? Huh? HUH?

Look, I know it can be done, because the company that sells me oatmeal does it. Yep, when I want to open their bag for the first time all I have to do is grab the corner and zzzziiiiippppp off the sealed top comes, thanks to handy perforations.

When I have all the oats I need, I just push the resealable thingie closed, put the oatmeal in the cupboard, and off I toddle.

I don't have to open a bazillion drawers looking for my scissors, which have a nasty habit of disappearing unexpectedly. (Frankly, I expect to find a picture of my scissors on the back of a milk carton any minute now.)

Oh, man, when I can't find my scissors it gets ugly. I end up sawing packages open with a knife, thereby putting the resealable strip in harm's way. One tiny slip, and the strip buys the farm, kicks the bucket, pines for the fjords, and takes the long dirt nap, thereby undoing your original thoughtfulness.

You have no idea how cranky this makes me.

So, uh, whadya say? Let's move our relationship up to the next level. Give me the perforations.

Me love you long time. Really. I mean it.

--Marn

Mileage on the Marnometer: 10.81 miles.

Going Nowhere Collaboration

Goal for 2008: 500 miles


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Want to delve into my sordid past?
She's mellllllllllllllting - Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2012 - Back off, Buble - Monday, Dec. 19, 2011 - Dispersed - Monday, Nov. 28, 2011 - Nothing comes for free - Monday, Nov. 21, 2011 - None of her business - Friday, Nov. 04, 2011 -


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This template is a riff on a design by the truly talented Quinn. Because I'm a html 'tard, I got alot of pity coding to modify it from Ms. Kittay, a woman who can make html roll over, beg, and bring her her slippers. The logo goodness comes from the God of Graphics, the Fuhrer of Fonts, the one, the only El Presidente. I smooch you all. The background image is part of a painting called Higher Calling by Carter Goodrich which graced the cover of the Aug. 3, 1998 issue of The New Yorker Magazine.

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2000, 2001, 2002 Marn. This is me, dagnabbit. You be you.