In my next life I am going to come back small enough that I can use a cherry cheesecake as my own personal mosh pit.

Ohhhhhhhh cherry cheesecake, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

(Once we get over the number ten, the shoes have to come off of course.)

This past weekend was the Canadian Thanksgiving. Our family celebrated on Sunday, also marking my mom-in-law's 80th birthday, because my nieces and nephew are spread a fair distance from the home farm and this was the one day we could all get together.

Scientists tell you that the human body is about 2/3 water. On Sunday I became somewhat of a scientific miracle, changing my own personal composition to 1/3 turkey and fixin's (mmmmmm, fixin's), 1/6 mashed potatoes, 1/6 assorted vegetables and 1/3 cherry cheesecake.

Monday I set off determined to change my personal composition to somewhere near half cherry cheesecake. This would have been a great springboard towards a new career as Fiddy P'cent, the first white Canuckistani female rapper/hip-hop star. Imagine bringing copious use of the word "eh" into rap and hip-hop.

Shizzle, eh my nizzle, eh.

Sadly, it was Not To Be.

The daughter's boyfriend stole into the fridge when I wasn't looking and scarfed down the last of the cherry cheesecake. Even worse, he left behind some pumpkin pie as a peace offering. Pumpkin pie. I am no fan of the pumpkin pie.

He's only alive because of the strict Canuckistani gun laws.

Monday I waddled strode purposefully into my gym for part two of my workout makeover. I left a whimpering mass of jello.

The human body is an amazing thing. My trainer tells me that our bodies are programmed to conserve energy as much as possible. After about six weeks, they figure out the most efficient way to do something such as a gym workout routine and the benefits you get from the routine drop precipitously.

The thing is, though, that after six weeks of doing a routine, you can work yourself up to some impressive gains. People start commenting on the weight you're using in oh, say, your skull crushers. You know the routine. It is all kind of comfortable.

Every time I change my routine I have to drop back to lower weights, puny weights. I'm clumsy as I learn the ins and outs of each exercise. I spend a fair bit of time just getting form, learning the right way to do the exercise. Plus, because I'm using muscles in ways slightly different from the ways I've used them before, they whine, complain and ache. Just like me.

In my head I know change is necessary, but oh, man, how I hate changing my routine. I have been doing a full body workout but for the next six weeks or so I'm going to be doing a three part workout each week. Arms and shoulders one day, back and abs another day, legs the third day. There are two things I can count on--it will hurt for a while and I will whine incessantly about it.

That would be the bad news. The good news?

Disco Friday has become ENSHRINED at my gym.

They just began a small advertising campaign to get new members and it involves a semi-humourous top ten list of why you want to belong to the gym. Along with the usual bromides about how using a gym will make you healthier (yawn), look better (yawn) and improve your outlook on life (yawn) they proudly announce that Fridays are now DISCO FRIDAYS!

I checked and New Disco CD's Have Been Purchased!

Of course, I immediately renewed my membership.

Disco Friday. For another year. It will make it all bearable.

So what am I aiming for over the next year at my gym? Am I going to try to ratchet up my cardio another notch, maybe try running 10K? How about weight loss? Or maybe I want to set weight lifting goals?

Nah.

Fitness, schmitness. Motown Mondays. That's my next gym goal. Wish me luck.

--Marn

Mileage on the Marnometer: 457.84 miles (736.8 kilometers)

Goal for 2003: 500 miles - 804.5 kilometers