Monday, March 19, 2001
Dear Diary:

����There is one less expert to answer the eternal question "how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

����Yep, no matter what the calendar says, you know it's truly spring when you spot your first roadkill of the season. This morning's victim was a woodchuck, and fortunately for us both, it wasn't me that sent him pining for the fjords.

����No I'm NOT going to put a picture of a dead woodchuck in my diary. Have some respect for the recently departed, please.

����I see a lot of roadkill through a year, ranging in size from deer all the way down to squirrels. Happily, I have only killed one creature so far in all my years of driving, touch wood (*Marn raps her head three times*), and that creature was The Satanic Rat That Would Not Die.

����The Satanic Rat That Would Not Die haunted the bird feeder at my brother-in-law's place. He had probably wandered over from a farm down the road from them.

����My sister-in-law, an urban woman to her core, almost had conniptions the first time she spotted it and ordered its immediate demise.

����So mass quantities of Warfarin were sprinkled about where the rat was known to frequent--your rat hang outs, as it were--but somehow The Satanic Rat That Would Not Die seemed unaffected.

����This went on for several weeks and my sister-in-law was loathe to go outside because of the ugly creature.

����The house they owned back then is right on the road, at the beginning of the quarter mile driveway that ends at our place. So one morning I was heading down the drive towards the main road and just when I got to their house I felt my wheel go bump over something.

����Sick at heart, afraid that I'd hit a neighbour's cat or some other defenseless creature, I stopped my car, got out, and found ...

����I HAD KILLED THE SATANIC RAT THAT WOULD NOT DIE.

����You know that scene in The Wizard of Oz where the house drops on the wicked witch and everyone is rejoicing? Well, that's pretty much what we did, except none of us really looks like Munchkins and we didn't spontaneously break out into, "Ding Dong The Rat Is Dead."

����Wouldn't it have made a cool diary entry if we had?

--Marn
P.S.--About a year ago I reminisced about The Raccoon Wars. For a Buddhist, my spousal unit certainly gets involved in a lot of military stuff, huh?

Old Drivel - New Drivel


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Want to delve into my sordid past?
She's mellllllllllllllting - Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2012 - Back off, Buble - Monday, Dec. 19, 2011 - Dispersed - Monday, Nov. 28, 2011 - Nothing comes for free - Monday, Nov. 21, 2011 - None of her business - Friday, Nov. 04, 2011 -


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