����My world is falling down around my ears and I think it's because I don't have a midget serving me sex in the night.

����I just finished taking the The Spark Slut Test and I am only 43 per cent slutty, 2 per cent below the norm.

����Oh, the humanity!

����Go ahead, laugh, you folks with your black strap on dildos, your thong underwear, your handcuffs, your whips, your My Little Pony sex toys.

����See if I care.

���� Darn, but I do.

����It's not that I want to be in the top percentile or anything, but I WOULD like to be well, you know, as slutty as the girl next door. Is that too much to ask? Is it? Is it?

����After I filled out the test and got my shocking and totally unexpected results, I went back and tried to see where I have gone wrong. I mean, after all, I HAVE been to a hockey game and like the test says (and I quote) "Hockey girls can be real sluts." We can. Really.

����But clearly, as far as this test goes, it's just not enough. Do you think I can talk Paul into letting us get a midget for sexual purposes? I'm betting that would move me into the mainstream in a jiffy, eh.

����Or maybe ... maybe I'm just going to have to accept who I am and deal with the fact that I've never been one to walk the well beaten path, even in matters of sex. Oh dear.

����You can well imagine my distress over all this.

����There is one thing that gives me comfort. The final question on the test is to name a person with whom you would like to have sex. And do you know who the majority of women chose, who is considered the Uber Hottie?

����Brad Pitt! BRAD PITT?!! That callow, inexperienced neonate??? Sheesh, if that's part of being your average slut, then thank you but no thank you.

����I'd MUCH rather be part of the enlightened 1 per cent who chose #12.

����Oh, as if you had to ask.

����Yep, I may be Paul's wife, but deep in my heart I'm Harrison Ford's love slave.

����Ummmmm doesn't that make me slutty?

--Marn

Want to delve into my sordid past?
She's mellllllllllllllting - Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2012 - Back off, Buble - Monday, Dec. 19, 2011 - Dispersed - Monday, Nov. 28, 2011 - Nothing comes for free - Monday, Nov. 21, 2011 - None of her business - Friday, Nov. 04, 2011 -

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