Be here now. I think that's one of those hippy dippy pseudo Hindu phrases that was floating around during my patchouli-drenched university years.

Be here now.

The thing is, mostly I'm not. Mostly I live my days thinking about things that must be done, things I regret doing, things I need to get around to doing. It seems as if I seldom focus on one task, either. F'rinstance, I'll work up here on my computer but one ear will be tuned to the washer and dryer downstairs while my laundry is going through its cycles.

You know, sometimes it feels as if I'm never completely in a given moment, that there's always some part of me that is off elsewhere.

But then there are those transcendent times when I am completely and utterly in the moment. Great sex, always. From time to time when I'm up to my elbows in mud and plants in my gardens. That funny twilit place, in those seconds before the undertow of sleep claims me.

Today on a treadmill.

Yep, I was running intervals on the treadmill and I got one of those fabulous moments, a moment I called on my body to go above and beyond what I thought it could do and it did it for me.

I had twenty five minutes of interval running down, with a final two minute burst to finish. My poor lungs were starting to burn, sweat was making my eyes hurt and a stitch was forming in my side.

What I wanted to do was hit the button on the touch screen and cycle down to a slower speed but then I told myself I had that final two minutes in me. It can only be about here and now when you're pushing your physical threshold, when you turn into pure muscle, sinew and will.

I did it, but it wasn't pretty or graceful. I have lost a lot of my physical strength and cardio conditioning in the last few months. If that wasn't enough, I'm not one of those lanky gazelle-like natural runners. It comes hard for me and I'm not particularly fast. I'm a plodder. But today for two minutes I set a personal best and that's what matters.

In the end, this is why I endure the aches and pains wrapped up with dragging my aged carcass towards fitness. To try my level best I have to push away all the other distractions of my life and live utterly in the moment. There is an exquisite freedom in that place.

Oh, and Project Marn-Ra, getting myself to the point where I can do an unassisted pull-up, has had unexpected consequences. For one thing, I now have enormous cred with the guys with whom I weight lift. The MarnCo Assisted Pull-up Machine� is seen as an extremely cool work around to the problem and they're giving me lots of encouragement.

Apparently you can get an "A" for effort in the gym, too.

Even better, my back is being transformed. I'm starting to get pretty little gym muscles in it. See?

(And because I know women are terrified that working out will make them huge, here's a photograph of how I look when I haven't pumped up�when I haven't worked my muscles to get extra blood to them so they swell. Normally my arm muscles or my back muscles aren't so well defined, I just look toned. Sort of. In an old lady sort of way.)

Do the pretty new gym muscles mean I am anywhere near doing an unassisted pull-up?

Um, no.

But I am enjoying the journey.

--Marn

Mileage on the Marnometer: 290.22 miles. Double Duckage. My joy knows no bounds.