I got a memo from MarnCo, the ruthless multinational behind the Big Adventure. Today, my three loyal readers, marks the 400th episode in the continuing adventures of a woman who does very little.

I know.

I'm all tingly too.

Being a corporation, they immediately went into the Diaryland Gold Stats to see which episodes had the greatest consumer appeal.

If you're saying to yourself, "I'll bet it has something to do with male dangly bits" then you clearly have your finger right on the pulse of what we at MarnCo call Our Typical Reader Demographic.

You may want to wash that finger.

So, as of 4:45 on May 3, 2002, here are the Top Three Big Adventures, as verified by that prestigious accounting firm, Arthur Anderson:

1) The night my daughter and I went to see Puppetry of the Penis which involves two nekkid Australian men transforming their wedding tackle into everything from a hamburger to the Eiffel Tower. (If THAT doesn't have Mother-Daughter Outing written ALL over it, then really, what does?) That adventure has been read 885 times. Yes, there are THAT many bored people out there.

2) Me anticipating going to see Puppetry of the Penis came in second. Who knew that the ancient art of Australian Genital Origami would be such a crowd pleaser? The excitement has been relived by 504 visitors.

3) Oh, and my Beermates, Jeffy and Fade-In will be ecstatic to know that my plea for pity sex for them takes the bronze and has been read by 436 people and counting.

Not that it's actually GOTTEN them any pity sex mind you, but 436 times the words "pity sex" has been associated with these two fine young men. I'll bet at this moment they're saying to themselves, "Pinch me, I MUST be dreaming".

Or something like that.

So there it is. Yep, more than two years and now 400 entries. I've shared bits of my past, bits of my present ... the things that have made me cry, the things that have made me laugh and in the end, what mattered most to my three loyal readers?

Male dangly bits and their various uses (or lack thereof).

We are now at the part where I would normally try to close with something witty (and usually fail miserably). But today? Um, no.

Today I want to thank my three loyal readers. You have changed me and I hope it's for the better. You have most definitely made my life richer.

It is very easy for someone my age living in an isolated place to become fixed in their attitudes. You have shaken mine up. Through your own on-line diaries you have opened my eyes to new, wonderful possibilities of being.

It's an extraordinary and totally unexpected gift you've given me.

I am forever in your debt.

--Marn