2000-03-03
Dear Diary:

Look, I *know* they've been primped, airbrushed, and that their photographs have probably been digitally enhanced to erase whatever tiny flaws they may have.

But the glossy pages that have been filling my mailbox lately do what they were intended to do--they make me lust after these objects of desire, spend my hard earned money on something I can never really have.

We *would* be talking about that rite of spring, plant and seed catalogues, eh.

There's about as much reality in these publications as there is in those magazines that have pictures of bare naked young ladies or gentlemen, and I *know* that too ... but I can't help myself.

That slutty Columbine Furtively I turn the pages, letting my eyes roam up and down the length of the latest saucy hybrid columbine. Photographed up close and personal, all secrets exposed to me ... I can't take my eyes off the soft velvet of the petals, tinged with a seductive coral blush.

I tell myself this beauty will survive whatever pests and diseases nature may choose to rain down, as well as the -35C that can be winter here. We will be together forever, lost in the wonder ...

Then I turn the page and there *he* is, the delphinium of my dreams. I imagine gazing into those sky blue florets, his long, firm spike a thing of wonder. No rain, no wind can ever make that delicious spire collapse.

Yeah, sure, and no silicon has ever been inserted in the body of Ms. April, the lady with the staples in her navel. And Mr. April? Heck, he's *never* had a pimple on his derri�re.

I know I'm being toyed with, I *know* this, but I can't help myself. I have *needs*.

Now where did I put my VISA card?

-- Marn

Old Drivel - New Drivel


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Want to delve into my sordid past?
She's mellllllllllllllting - Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2012 - Back off, Buble - Monday, Dec. 19, 2011 - Dispersed - Monday, Nov. 28, 2011 - Nothing comes for free - Monday, Nov. 21, 2011 - None of her business - Friday, Nov. 04, 2011 -


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This template is a riff on a design by the truly talented Quinn. Because I'm a html 'tard, I got alot of pity coding to modify it from Ms. Kittay, a woman who can make html roll over, beg, and bring her her slippers. The logo goodness comes from the God of Graphics, the Fuhrer of Fonts, the one, the only El Presidente. I smooch you all. The background image is part of a painting called Higher Calling by Carter Goodrich which graced the cover of the Aug. 3, 1998 issue of The New Yorker Magazine.

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�2000, 2001, 2002 Marn. This is me, dagnabbit. You be you.