Thursday, Nov. 13, 2003
Bill over at Fade In had the uncomfortable experience of meeting a manners-challenged woman who, um, let him know she knew his dangly bits, even though she hadn't actually known him in the Biblical sense.
It turns out she was a friend of someone he had dated and had, through this woman, got the, uh, lowdown about Bill and let him know what she knew. I think we can all agree that there's no need to go into how tacky that was.
No, Today's Focus Is Education.
See, Bill's acquaintance told him that women are far more graphic in discussing matters of the bedroom than men are which led to this plaintive query from Bill:
Iím having a hard time reasoning out how descriptive women can get. What details do you get into that we donít? Is it a lack of imagination on my part that I canít really fathom deeper descriptions that donít involve mannequins, pie charts, and police sketch artists?
Well, here at MarnCo, the ruthless multinational behind The Big Adventure, we're all about bridging the chasm between the sexes. And so, in answer to Bill's question, yes, we women do get more graphic than men.
We use PowerPoint presentations.
Oh, I know, you think of PowerPoint as a piece of business software, but frankly that was just an unexpected niche market that Micro$oft stumbled into afterwards. PowerPoint was originally created as a natural evolution from the slide shows our mothers used to put on when they discussed their um, er, ah romantic pasts.
WHAT??? You didn't know about The Slide Shows? Oh yes, absolutely true. Surely you didn't believe that when women said they were going to "Tupperware Parties" that they were actually sitting around in someone's living room talking about plastic containers??
WHAT??? You didn't realize that the phrase "burping the Tupperware" was a somewhat filthy double entendre?
Oh my yes, that plastic container fib was just a clever ploy to empty the house of men and children. Women knew they would run away screaming at the thought of something that boring.
The minute the scene was cleared of tripods and zygotes up went the white sheet on the wall, on went the slide show.
(As an offshoot of this, when I saw my first set of dangly bits in the uh flesh I was amazed that it did not have folds in its surface. That's what comes from getting your primary sex education from freshly unfolded laundry stretched out on a wall.)
PowerPoint, of course, changed all that.
Oh, and not only does the software allow us to use mannequins, pie charts, and police sketch artists for graphic effects, it also makes using both metric and imperial measurements a snap since rulers of both standards can be set in the same picture.
Oh, and the lap top computer? Did you know it was developed so women could more conveniently share their raunchy PowerPoint presentations?
It's true. No. Really. I mean it. After all, this is the internet. How could information you get on the internet not be true?
My thoughts, exactly.
finished Nov. 7
Goal for 2003: 500 miles - 804.5 kilometers
Want to delve into my sordid past?
She's mellllllllllllllting - Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2012 - Back off, Buble - Monday, Dec. 19, 2011 - Dispersed - Monday, Nov. 28, 2011 - Nothing comes for free - Monday, Nov. 21, 2011 - None of her business - Friday, Nov. 04, 2011 -
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