2000-11-22
Dear Diary:

TORONTO (Reuters) - A human sperm shortage in Canada, caused by new rules on donor screening, has forced doctors, and their patients who want to be artificially inseminated, to look south of the border for frozen semen, according to fertility specialists.

Omigawd, the 'Mericans are playing Yankee Doodle for us and they AREN'T using tin flutes, if you catch my drift.

Let me say right here and right now that it's not that Canadian Doodles are any less yankable than Yankee Doodles. The article says it's that Canadian sperm banks were basically non-profit, running on razor thin financial margins.

When the government found the banks weren't meeting all the screening requirements, they were told they couldn't use the tens of thousands of donations on hand. Many had to go bankrupt because they were counting on future sales of their um frozen assets to stay afloat, and this left a shortfall in the jiz biz. (Forgive me, sometimes I just can't help myself.)

It could take several years for Canadian sperm banks to build up enough liquidity to meet our nation's needs.

"The stocks have decreased dramatically," said fertility specialist Roger Pierson, president of the Canadian Fertility and Adrology Society, told Reuters.

Pierson said the demand previously met by Canadian sperm banks is now increasingly being filled by large U.S. firms that can afford to adhere to the tougher new standards.

He said U.S. orders from Canada have grown a hundred-fold this year alone. Pierson said the sperm shortage, which he estimated could last for several years, might require patients to fly to the United States to get treatment or to act as their own importers.

My fellow Canuckians of the XY chromosome persuasion, can we allow this sad situation to continue? I THINK NOT!

Gentlemen, it's time to um take matters in hand and .:ahem:. come to the rescue.

Your attention to this matter will be greatly appreciated, eh.

--Marn

P.S.--Memo, a wonderful newsletter put out by Glassdog originally alerted me to the Reuters news story. If you love quirky stuff, you'll love Memo, eh.

Old Drivel - New Drivel


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This template is a riff on a design by the truly talented Quinn. Because I'm a html 'tard, I got alot of pity coding to modify it from Ms. Kittay, a woman who can make html roll over, beg, and bring her her slippers. The logo goodness comes from the God of Graphics, the Fuhrer of Fonts, the one, the only El Presidente. I smooch you all. The background image is part of a painting called Higher Calling by Carter Goodrich which graced the cover of the Aug. 3, 1998 issue of The New Yorker Magazine.

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2000, 2001, 2002 Marn. This is me, dagnabbit. You be you.