Comments:

Erica ([email protected]) - 2004-04-08 08:13:59
Believe me, I have NO desire for the bug-pop, but this might make you laugh a little: http://www.googlism.com/index.htm?ism=marn&type=1
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Ellsworthy () - 2004-04-08 12:19:38
http://elsworthy.diaryland.com/031029_54.html ..... http://elsworthy.diaryland.com/030214_83.html ..... http://elsworthy.diaryland.com/020311_90.html ..... sorry if this turns up twice, d-land has been funky for me this morning. Love your show, babe!
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dicentrah () - 2004-04-08 12:32:46
My one and only funny: http://dicentrah.diaryland.com/031021_95.html
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ramanda (ramanda at diaryland dot com) - 2004-04-08 12:41:50
I don't want the lolly, but I can't resist a chance to tell this joke. It's best told in a Scottish accent, but here goes: Two Americans are sat at a pub in a wee village in the Scottish highlands. They have a couple pints and get to talking to an older gentleman at the bar. After they've been talking awhile one of the Americans says to old man, "I'm Jim and this is Pete. What's your name?" The Scotsman looks at him a little suspiciously and replies, "Ach, what's in a name?" He pauses for a minute, mutters to himself and then goes on, "When you were driving into town did you see the pier?" Jim and Pete nod, encouraging the old man to go on. "I built that pier. With my own two hands. Solid as a rock. Took me two days. Nearly broke my back! But do they call me Angus, the pier-builder? Nay." The two Americans look at each other, a little confused. The old man goes on, "And when you were driving into town. Did you see that stone wall?" The American nod again. "I built that wall. With my own two hands. That wall is a mile long and four feet high! It took me a week. Nearly broke my back! But do they call me Angus, the wall-builder? Nay." Before the Americans have a chance to interrupt, Angus begins gesturing to the windows at the front of the pub. "Look out that window there. D'you see that house, on the hill? I built that house. With my very own hands. That is the finest house in all of Scotland. It took me damn near a month. I nearly broke my back. But do they call me Angus, the house-builder? Nay. Aye, but you fuck one sheep. . . " Hee! (r)amanda :)
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Julia () - 2004-04-08 12:42:45
Here are some: This is *really* funny. This is my friend's story about the Saga of Stumpy the gerbil (really, read this one first): http://www.livejournal.com/users/fierceblue/101945.html A long winded story about the horrors of the NYC subway system: http://www.livejournal.com/users/lulu_girl/160775.html Random NYC observations: http://www.livejournal.com/users/lulu_girl/133928.html The stupidest accident I have ever had: http://www.livejournal.com/users/lulu_girl/44976.html
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Julia () - 2004-04-08 12:43:47
oops...sorry the links and my words are all squished together. I didn't know if HTML tags would work in here, and I didn't want to clutter up your comments area with dribble. oopsie! happy reading, tho. : )
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hcatty () - 2004-04-08 12:49:21
My funny entry: http://hcatty.diaryland.com/040109_57.html ...although I'm in the US and cannot receive the bug pop... shucks...
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Paula ([email protected]) - 2004-04-08 12:56:17
OK Marn, here you go. This was part of a diary entry about doing some spring cleaning. Next, the bathroom which didn�t look too bad on the surface, but when you consider that the cats like to sit on the sink and watch the humans do mundane things like brush their teeth you need to reconsider. I�m sure you�ve heard that, �cats are so clean, so meticulous!� Mmmm�k. Those people obviously don�t have cats. Sure on the outside they look clean, but look a little closer. At their asses. The asses that they so blithely plunk down on the side of the sink while they watch you. I can�t really fault them for lack of ass-hygiene � I mean, would you want to lick your own ass? Didn�t think so. Apparently the cats don�t want to either (although for some inexplicable reason they do have a fascination with each other�s asses) and there are often small cling-ons that I imagine pretty much get smeared everywhere. I was watching one of those forensic cold case programs on Discovery and they were explaining the ultra-violet light that shows traces of icky things like feces, urine, blood and semen and I figure if they ever came to my house the whole place would fluoresce.
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Chloe () - 2004-04-08 13:26:19
Well, it is sad but true that I am just not funny. Also, I can't go to Canada, and I live in the U.S., so the whole bug-pop thing is inprobable. However, if Marn needs to laugh, maybe I can link a few entries, and combined they may be almost funny enough to produce one small chuckle. Therefore (named according to topic: Klondike bar (not very original)., About Canadian geese., I anthropomorphize my clothing after a workout. And finally, a long one about making a stocking for a cat. I hope I didn't screw up any of the links, cause it would just look terrible. Good luck slogging through all that poop, Marn! At least the others are funny! And I just had to try.
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Bob (you know ... at sympatico) - 2004-04-08 13:58:33
I had a colleague, a brilliant, witty woman married to an equally brilliant lout of a husband: closed-minded, sexist, self-centred, and insensitive. Mary didn�t drive, so Jack drove her to the school where she and I taught, and I usually drove her back at the end of the day. One morning, a few blocks from home, Mary suddenly realized that she�d left her briefcase and told Jack that they needed to return for it. With a curse, Jack lurched into a driveway and did a fast three-point turn. He berated Mary all the way back, asking how she could possibly forget her damned briefcase since she took it with her every bloody morning. �Typical woman! You�d forget your freaking head if weren�t hooked on.� And so on, and so on. Once home, Mary meekly retrieved her briefcase and got back into the car, and after some more comment from Jack they set out once again. And again, the same few blocks away, Jack suddenly pulled into a driveway, turned around, and headed home. Puzzled, Mary looked at him and asked, �What�s going on? Why did you turn around?� �Forgot my teeth,� was all Jack would say.
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skibigsky () - 2004-04-08 15:02:18
Not always funny, but definitely interesting... Try the internet oracle. The plus to this is you can try asking and/or answering questions. http://cgi.cs.indiana.edu/~oracle/bestof.cgi?N=1301-1325
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DogsDon'tPurr ([email protected]) - 2004-04-08 15:18:45
Oooh, candy smuggling! I love it. If one of your American readers wins this candy contraband, consider me to be your undercover candy smuggler. For a price*....and this is going to cost big time....I will drive up to Canada and smuggle the candy back to the winner.

(*My fee is negotiable, but keep in mind....Canada is a loooong way from California. At the bare minimum, my fee will have to cover hotels along the way (GOOD hotels), meals (at EXPENSIVE restaurants), and gas (I drive an SUV). Yes, this is going to cost...but it will be worth it!)
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maddy ([email protected]) - 2004-04-08 17:58:38
Here are the two funniest things I've seen recently: http://www.ntk.net/media/developers.mpg and, mostly, this: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=20555&item=2391940121
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golfwidow () - 2004-04-08 18:43:04
I don't want the lollipop so much, because what if the bugs are actually preserved in it, like amber, and they could come back to life and get me? I'm afraid of bugs. I have proof. http://www.diarytown.com/golfwidow/archives/004028.html (And yes, I know that spiders are arachnids and not insects, but to me, if it's little and crawls, it's a bug.) By the way, I liked how you referred to the FDA's new rules as a "fly in the ointment." Good pun.
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Meg ([email protected]) - 2004-04-08 19:00:44
Marn, I SO do not need that candy, but I love laughter as much as the next person, so here's a couple links.

Silly story I wrote about a crazy game encounter. And since that's not really all that funny, I am including a link to a journal entry written by Pamie's cat, Taylor Dejardin. I know you have plenty of kitty tales, so you can relate to the experiences of Taylor, who is funny, and has a French accent. I hope one of those makes you laugh!
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annie (?) - 2004-04-08 20:51:29
These questions about Canada were actually sent to an International > Tourism Website. > > Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? > (UK) > A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them > die. > > Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA) > A: Depends how much you've been drinking. > > Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto -can I follow the railroad > tracks? (Sweden) > A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. . . There were about 15 more but I didn't want to take up too much space. I hope you managed at least a smile.
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Katherine () - 2004-04-08 22:41:43
When I first saw the photo of the lollipop I thought it was smoked candied salmon. It LOOKS like salmon. It would be funny to take such a thing through US customs and tell them it's a bugged lollipop. I'm sure they'd involve the FBI and deport someone to Syria.
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Nicole () - 2004-04-08 22:44:27
Since you have met my crazy little family and me (and I can't remember how long you have been reading my diary), perhaps these will bring the coveted giggle.... http://nacwolin.diaryland.com/hotseat.html http://nacwolin.diaryland.com/brain.html http://nacwolin.diaryland.com/private.html http://nacwolin.diaryland.com/pproblems.html http://nacwolin.diaryland.com/020327_43.html Probably not the funniest, but hopefully a bit amusing nonetheless! To love and laughter!
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Nicole () - 2004-04-08 22:48:03
Oh, and this isn't mine, but someone sent me in that direction and this entry was pretty funny... http://dangerspouse.diaryland.com/040310_41.html
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Greenie (coleenATsurfbest.net) - 2004-04-08 23:15:55
Okaaaaaaaay... lemme get this straight, dogsdontpurr... If I win the story contest you will drive all the way to Canada (from California) and then deliver the "prize" to me in Florida? This sounds really good. BUT whatever could Marn pay you to do such a feat? NOW me must go ponder a story....
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cabin-boy ([email protected]) - 2004-04-09 02:06:41
Okay, so I can offer a joke I heard a four year old tell once... but i'm warning you... 4 year old... ... ... ...okay, what lies at the bottom of the sea, and trembles? ... ... A nervous wreck!! ... (insert hysterical four-year-old cackling here.) ;)
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DogsDon'tPurr ([email protected]) - 2004-04-09 04:51:19
Greenie....you've got it all wrong. If you win the contest, and I drive all the way from California to Canada and then to Florida....YOU pay (not Marn)!! (Because I KNOW just how badly you want that bug~laden candy contraband!)

I've always wanted to go to Florida!
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Greenie (coleenATsurfbest.net) - 2004-04-09 08:15:07
*sets up road blocks for bug-laden candy contraband* Yessssssssss and HOW badly do you want to come to Florida? Heh heh heh.....
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Jenn ([email protected]) - 2004-04-09 09:02:10
I just wanted to add my new favorite site : http://mycatshateyou.com I know I won't win, but cat pictures with jokes always rock.
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Jam () - 2004-04-09 09:32:55
For Marn and any other cat lovers out there - an amusing story of my cat and her journey of gendered confusion. I don't want the lolly, but I hope this makes you smile. http://jamtastic.diaryland.com/040331_86.html
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Jenn ([email protected]) - 2004-04-09 09:45:39
Would help if I got the link correct. http://mycathatesyou.com This one is disturbing:http://www.mycathatesyou.com/newlist.asp?CatName=oface_110602 and this one is the one that made me laugh till I cried:http://www.mycathatesyou.com/newlist.asp?CatName=arthur_062103
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Oddrey ([email protected]) - 2004-04-09 10:32:00
Annie: Those were awesome! Could you either post the rest or email to them, pretty please? El Yojito sent this to me this morning, and I'm still dying: Ending a sentence with a preposition.
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***Dave ([email protected]) - 2004-04-09 11:37:17
Wow. That's a tough one. Stories about kids saying the darnedest things are usually, good for a chuckle (afterwards). There's the Most Marn-like post I've recorded. Or just an archive of jokes. All of which is more than asked for, but it's difficult to have a surfeit of jollity, if y'ask me.
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Oreo () - 2004-04-09 15:06:52
A bit innapropriate, but its the best I can do. Its a joke my friend Mandy (who lives in Cobourg, ON) like to tell me when I threaten to invade Canada and take over, using of course one disarmed surplus tank and a paintball gun.
"It wouldn't be so hard to invade Canada. In fact, I'd say it would be a rather enjoyable experience for an American male. With the beaver as our national animal, and the maple leaf as our national symbol, we'd probably just turn bright red and nibble on your wood."
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Alina ([email protected]) - 2004-04-09 19:09:38
I spent a very long time looking through this website and taking regular breaks to thank TPTB for my parents and their good taste in names. http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/
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schmuck ([email protected]) - 2004-04-09 21:19:33
Can you believe I've never been to the Insectarium? I live about 10 minutes away and I've NEVER BEEN! I'm a disgrace to the island of Montreal. Also, isn't it ironic that a lollipop from a bug place developed meal worms? Or wait? Were the worms in there in the first place -ish confused- Yeah, I'm an idiot.
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Jenn ([email protected]) - 2004-04-09 21:24:37
Boy, I've been having so much fun reading everyone else's links! Hopefully this will make you laugh, Marn-- http://www.yuckles.com/catbath.htm I've gotten this via e-mail several times and it never fails to make me laugh so hard I almost cry! (Method #1 is my personal favorite.) Oh, the mental images... :)
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Greenie (coleenATsurfbest.net) - 2004-04-10 08:12:42
Otaysssssss... I am back. Not that my life isn't just one laugh after another... I get the most laughs from the things my father sends me in the e-mail. Maybe you will to? Check out this entry of my diary and laugh a little with me!
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acorn () - 2004-04-10 10:29:31
Did you know we are one of only a few cultures that don't eat insects in some way/shape/form? As a dietitian, I know they are an excellent source of protein, cheap, too! The hub and I are planning a trip to Oaxaca end of May, and deep fried grasshoppers are eaten there like potato chips. I plan on partaking. I'll let you know how they are! -Acorn
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Moi ([email protected]) - 2004-04-10 16:18:02
I have a joke: How do crabs leave hospital? On crotches! bwahahahaha! Get it? On crotches? bwahahahaha! Well I thought it was funny..mumble..grumble..
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liz ([email protected]) - 2004-04-10 18:15:34
OK, I thought this was funny--made me laugh anyway: http://www.amcgltd.com/archives/003415.html http://www.amcgltd.com/archives/004389.html Here's a story about not so bright parents (warning, offensive but motionless stick drawing) http://lizditz.typepad.com/i_speak_of_dreams/2004/04/stupids_on_para.html here's the original article which perfectly captures the breathless vapidity of a lot of education writing: http://www.theonion.com/onion3326/homosexualrecruit.html
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Bev ([email protected]) - 2004-04-11 04:10:32
OK...here's my Australian memorial addition to your collection: An Australian man was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him. The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless, started up a conversation. The American snapped his gum and said, "You Australian folk eat the whole bread?" The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course." The American blew a huge bubble. "We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia." The American had a smirk on his face. The Australian listened in silence. The American persisted. "D'yall eat jam with the bread?" Sighing, the Australian replied, "Of course." Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, "We don't. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Australia." The Australian then asked, "Do you have sex in the States?" The American smiled and said, "Why of course we do." The Australian leaned closer to him and asked, "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?" "We throw them away, of course." ............ "We don't. In Australia, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States. Why do you think it's called Wrigley's?"
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Keri ([email protected]) - 2004-04-11 15:15:53
I'm just amazed at the number of people here trying to WIN that awful looking thing. Hugs to you Marn. Love what you're doing. I'm within 75 miles of my first goal for the year!
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Greenie (coleenATsurfbest.net) - 2004-04-12 06:51:48
Who said anyone actually WANTED that lolly, although it would make a lovely Christmas gift at the next office party... heh heh heh... We just want to make Marn laugh. You know, return the favor. And I have yet another funny... When icons go BAD!
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Huntington ([email protected]) - 2004-04-13 14:23:33
I'm of two minds about how to win the BugPop. (How can anyone doubt its innate desirability? And since I'm American, what better or wackier excuse to realize my long-held ambition to visit The Most Exciting Corner of Quebec?): I see now that, though the perfunctory way I offered this story may disqualify it, the underlying truth is pretty funny, so I offer it. On the other hand, I could just come up with another limerick, though that's not strictly following the rules of the contest. Too bad, I'm all about the anarchy: In a lolly the bugs were in traction/To win it drove all to distraction/It looks like a dandy/Marn's fans want that candy/It wields an unhealthy attraction.
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Kat ([email protected]) - 2004-04-14 09:28:33
Here you go, love: the only joke I know. And keep in mind that I am willing to cross the border and smuggle back the larvalolly, just as long as our husbands don't meet.
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Shawna () - 2004-04-15 15:27:41
Here are some of my favourites: http://talpidae.diaryland.com/031120_98.html .... http://talpidae.diaryland.com/031222_98.html .... http://talpidae.diaryland.com/040223_44.html .... http://talpidae.diaryland.com/040127_29.html
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Ash (ed_1967 at hotmail.com) - 2004-04-19 07:54:04
Marn, I love to read your diary since my gf turned me onto it. Ok here is my joke. There was a 4th grade teacher and one day she brought a bunch of flavored lifesavers for her class. She gave the assorted flavors to the kids and asked them to name the flavor, ornage, fruit punch, green apple were all guessed then she gave them the honey flavored one. The kids were all sucking quietly but stumped. The teaching seeing this gave them a clue. "It's something your mommy calls your daddy", she said. More sucking ensued. Suddenly, one little girl jumps up and yells, "Spit them out you guys!!! They're ########!!" Thanks for many great laughs Marn. :) Your friends in Boston, MA
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Ash (hmmm) - 2004-04-19 07:56:15
It's not as funny if the darn thing edits my comments the little girl said a common slang word for sphincter. Cheers!
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Marn, eh () - 2004-04-22 11:53:14
I want to thank you all for taking the time to share the giggles. I visited them all and they came at a badly needed time.
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