This morning I was working away in here when Vera materialized at the doorway and started yelling.

I am so used to thinking of her in terms of being sick that I immediately dropped everything I was doing and went over to her, assuming she was in pain. She immediately flopped on her side on the floor and started purring, indicating that she needed some serious petting, STAT.

Yes, it's official. Vera considers me her bitch. For the rest of her life I will be expected to drop whatever I'm doing and tend to her needs.

Ah, the joys of being part of a cat's staff.

I wish she would get serious about the grooming. As you can see, she's being very neglectful of her chestal area, which is turning an alarming shade of gray. I have noticed her spreading that yummy salmon flavoured cat spit on her paws, so maybe she'll get around to washing other bits shortly. I live in hope.

Today for the first time we played, me tossing a ball of crumpled paper, Vera chasing it madly and batting it all over. She even tossed it in the air, made a few little leaps as she chased it. Then she suddenly stopped and laid on her side, breathing heavily.

I'm not sure if she still has breathing problems, or if she's just completely out of shape from living in the shelter and then being sick. She still has a week's worth of antibiotics to go, so hopefully if she still has a tiny lingering infection the pills will wipe it out.

Uh, did somebody say the words "out of shape"?

Special K cereal is giving away Pilates DVD's in Canada, and since I've never tried Pilates I figured this would be the perfect cheapskate's way to get a taste of something all the cool kids are doing. Grabbed the core workout figuring it would be fun to go after my back and abs a new way.

These things always seem like such a good idea at the time.

Vera and I watched the DVD through to get an idea of where it was going. I could see that it involved a great awareness of breathing patterns, body flexibility, and an innate sense of where your body is at any given time.

I am a woman who cannot chew gum and walk at the same time.

The absolute nadir came during a move where you are supposed sit up, bend your knees, put your feet flat on the mat, grasp the undersides of your ankles, and then rock yourself back so your back is on the mat. Then you're supposed to reverse direction, rock upwards until you're almost on your buttal sitting bones before reversing direction. You do this five times.

Oh, and after the first time you do it? You're supposed to join the bottoms of your feet together and "clap" them three times just before you rock backwards. There are all sorts of complicated breathing instructions to go with it, inhaling at certain points, exhaling at others.

The fitness model made it look ever so simple.

Well, I managed to rock backwards. Yep, there I was on the mat, flat on my back, knees bent towards my chest, holding my ankles. Vera was sitting beside me, watching this solemnly, purring softly.

I tried to rock upward.

Could. Not. Move.

Meanwhile, on the DVD, the fitness model was effortlessly rocking. Back and forth. Back and forth.

I tried again.

Could. Not. Move.

At this point Vera decided that I was extending an invitation for her to lie on my chest, near my shoulders. Which she did. Yep, there I was contorted in this very odd position on the floor with a cat draped over me. I started to laugh so hard that it was game over.

The most humiliating part of all this? Despite repeated efforts I was not able to properly combine the breathing patterns and moves for one single exercise on the DVD. Not one. For those keeping track, that makes the score Pilates 12 � Marn 0.

Think I'd better stick with the dumb bells.

--Marn