So the red clematis I bought this spring to enliven a very green and white corner of my garden has started to bloom.

Hrm.

There are several ways to look at this:

1) this is a very, very, very pale red

2) white is the new red

3) some knuckle dragging, pea-brained denizen of the shallow end of the gene pool stuck the wrong labels into a batch of clematis at the nursery.

I'm leaning towards #3 myself. (And I'm sure my three loyal readers know I mean the words "knuckle dragging, pea-brained denizen of the shallow end of the gene pool" in the kindest, gentlest and least judgemental way possible, right?)

That said, I am upset. The nursery in question is over an hour's drive from my home and taking this plant back is a major hassle. Plus, I would be taking back a lot more plant than they sold me. I have nursed what began as three tiny little stems into a lush, sizable clematis. PLUS I have no guarantee at all that the nursery will have a red clematis to give me in return.

Fine.

I'm upset now, but with today's weather forecast predicting temperatures for the day to be close to the range normally seen at the gates to hell, I'm pretty much sure that driving over an hour in a car without air conditioning would NOT improve my state of mind.

I'm not convinced I would handle the situation well and I think we can all agree that it's always important to deal maturely with people in a language they understand.

As I see it, that would involve identifying the culprit who mislabelled the clematis, climbing up in a tree near said person and indulging in a little feces flinging in their direction. Oh yes, I'm all about maturity and clear communication.

However, in today's heat, I doubt I can muster the energy to climb a tree.

You can see my dilemma.

So it looks like this year I'm stuck with a white clematis. I'll buy a red one in this fall's plant sales and move the white one into a nursery bed until I can find a more permanent home for it. It would look nice against the woodshed the spousal unit wants to build next spring, maybe that will be its new fixed address.

Yep, the nursery is off the hook this time for some very sloppy work.

But I'm telling you, if the forecast was for even five degrees cooler, I'd motor over there and scramble up a tree in a heartbeat.

--Marn