Thursday, May. 29, 2003
Dear Diary:

My mechanic is a no nonsense guy who firmly Loves The Car. He regards those of us who do not keep up our regularly scheduled maintenance as car abusers. I think he would register us, if he could, and severely curtail our access to cars unless we got the counselling that in his eyes we so badly need.

When I drove the Marnmobile into the garage for its oil change this morning, I knew I was nearly 900 kilometers or 540 miles over my recommended change.

Uh oh.

I pinned my hopes on the notion that maybe the garage would be busy and he wouldn't have time to note the distance since my last oil change. My heart sank when I drove up and I realized I was his only customer.

I tried to distract him. As he hoisted my car up on the lift, pulled the plug on my oil and it drained into the collector, we reviewed the current state of Canadian politics.

As he checked out the underside of my car, we talked local politics. As he swapped in the new oil filter we talked family stuff. Oh yes, I can be a fountain of talk when I feel the need.

Car lowered from lift. Hood popped. Various mysterious hoses and filters checked. Fresh oil being poured in. So, so very close to the end.

Giddy with hope that I had escaped The Justly Feared Six Months Or 6,000 KM Lecture, the one that implies that You Are A Discredit To Car Owners Everywhere (not that I have ever actually received that lecture before--uh, I've only heard about it second hand), I pulled out the big conversational guns. Oh yes, I pulled out the diseases du jour--Mad Cow, West Nile Virus, SARS.

Nothing like a good disease to occupy the mind, I always say.

The final container of oil emptied. I turned on my car and he checked the dipstick several times to make sure levels were fine. We Were In The Home Stretch. All he had to do was affix the little distance sticker with my current mileage, close the hood and we were done.

He tore off the old distance sticker. For a moment ... for a moment it looked as if he wouldn't read the old distance. I could almost hear the sound of the checkered flag being lowered, almost feel myself across the finish line.

He read the old mileage. He read my current mileage. You know that famous painting, The Scream? Yeah. That pretty much sums up how I felt at that moment.

I got the Justly Feared Six Months Or 6,000 KM Lecture. Three hours later and I *still* feel like a discredit to car owners everywhere.

Does this mean that I will absolutely positively remember to get my oil changed in six months or 6,000 km?

Um, er, ah, wellllll ...

--Marn

Mileage on the Marnometer: 281.9 miles (453.6 kilometers) Ten percent there rubber duck.Ten percent there rubber duck.Ten percent there rubber duck.Ten percent there rubber duck. Half way smooch
Goal for 2003: 500 miles - 804.5 kilometers

Going Nowhere Collaboration

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