If you ever wanted proof that the whole tattoo thing is now officially so five minutes ago, well here it is: I've decided to get my second bit of body art as a Christmas present to myself.

Oh yes, once I start getting tattoos you know it's time to book some time at the laser clinic and get your tattoo removed.

I've been dithering for a few years now. The spousal unit designed the three strands of ivy that curl around my left wrist for my 45th birthday, so I decided to have him design me another tat. This one I wanted to evoke a memory of our trip of Australia and so he did a riff on a goanna.

Once the design is inked on my skin, I'll share it with you.

Now we get to the delicate part, the placement of said goanna.

I would like to put it in a zone where the sun don't shine aka The Buttal Region. When I mentioned this, the spousal unit had three responses.

The first was that the size of the goanna wouldn't be an issue since there was ample real estate in the area where I proposed to place said goanna.

If looks could burn, the man would be extra crispy.

Next he asked me what I proposed to sit on during the week or so that the tattoo would be healing.

Oh dear. My work involves many hours in front of a computer on my buttal region.

Much as I hate to admit it, He Has Raised A Valid Point.

Then he reminded me that there is no privacy in tattoo parlours and if I want a tattoo placed on my buttal region, I am going to have to expose said region to all and sundry who enter this fine establishment.

Well.

That gave me pause.

Could I take on the heavy moral load that would come from the deep psychological scarring induced in unsuspecting tattoo customers by the unexpected sight of my 51-year-old buttocks?

No.

I can't.

So now what I'm thinking is that I might put the tat higher, so the top half of the goanna peeks out of the waistband of my jeans. (And no, I don't wear those hip hugger plumber's crack jeans, thankyewverymuch, so the goanna would be placed close to my waist.)

My rationale here is that while this will still involve lowering of my jeans, it will preserve a modicum of modesty and prevent psychological mayhem amongst the tattoo parlour customers.

I know.

I'm THAT caring.

As an added bonus, while I'm in Montreal for the next few days I get to torture the daughter by dragging her around to do the dreaded Christmas shopping.

Body art AND torturing my kid. Really, it almost seems like too much fun to be legal.

---Marn

P.S.--If you're doing any of your Christmas shopping at Amazon this year, why not do it through Blue Sphere? Five per cent of what you spend will be donated by Amazon to Blue Sphere, and will be given to the Foster Parents Plan of Canada.

Yep, you get to make a large corporation cough up five per cent of its profits AND at no cost to yourself you get to help some poor kids out. What's not to love about that, eh?

NEWSFLASH! Now you get the chance at Canuckistani Hot Chocolate for getting the word out about Blue Sphere. Post a link and you're in the contest. Whatcha waiting for? Huh? HUH?