Tuesday, Feb. 25, 2003
I would like to say right here, right now, that pressing the organ that puts the "tri" in the term "tripod" against one of the two globules which comprise the buttal region does NOT count as foreplay.
I realize this may come as a bit of a shock to some of my three loyal readers who are of the XY chromosome persuasion. If any of you feel the need to sit down and take a few sips of cool, refreshing water, well, I understand completely.
There. Feel better?
Yep, so as I was saying earlier, when you're trying to amass that 22.45 minutes of foreplay required by law in most jurisdictions, you are not allowed to add in tripodal buttal nudging.
I can see that one or two of my three loyal readers are asking themselves, "How did this topic uhhh come up, as it were?"
Well, as the more perspicacious amongst you might have gathered, there were what the diplomats term "full and frank discussions" here recently about the marital duties and that was one of the issues um raised.
Any rumours that you may have heard to the effect that the words, "Do that again and I will break it off and beat you with it" are totally, totally untrue. I would Never Say That Out Loud.
Sometimes you don't need words.
Sometimes A Look Can Be Enough.
I know what the problem is. One of the side effects of my relentless pursuit of the title Marn, Warrior Princess has been a certain amount of muscular soreness. Because of the discomfort, I have not been, oh, how to put this delicately ... I have not been "putting out" with the normal frequency.
No, my attitude recently has been more along the line of, "Um, haven't we 'done it' once already this month?"
(Pay no attention to that whimpering sound you hear in the background. The spousal unit eventually cries himself to sleep.)
The thing is, it's not like I don't um, er, ah Have Needs, it's just that right now I seem to have misplaced them somewhere. Maybe they've crawled behind the fridge and been mugged by a ferocious pack of rabid dust bunnies. I'm not exactly sure where they are.
What I do know is that as a result of our um full and frank discussion, something has to change.
I'm working on a plan. Right now it involves massive amounts of chocolate, sprinkles and Marvin Gaye. If any of you have a better idea, feel free to let me know.
As GeekGrrl rightly pointed out, I discussed matters which touch upon the marital duties and forgot to include the words "wangitude, stamina and prowess" as required by spousal edict. Can you feel my contrition?
Goal for 2003: 500 miles - 804.5 kilometers
Want to delve into my sordid past?
She's mellllllllllllllting - Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2012 - Back off, Buble - Monday, Dec. 19, 2011 - Dispersed - Monday, Nov. 28, 2011 - Nothing comes for free - Monday, Nov. 21, 2011 - None of her business - Friday, Nov. 04, 2011 -
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