Thursday, Apr. 08, 2004
It seems like only yesterday.
Just over four years ago the brain trust at MarnCo--the ruthless multinational behind The Big Adventure--decided to launch this project with a report of a mother-daughter outing that involved eating bugs.
While in some cultures this eating bugs thing would be considered child abuse, here in Canuckistan it's all part of our ancient bonding rituals, eh. No. Really. I mean it.
I bought some joke gifts that day for friends and yesterday when I was cleaning out a drawer I stumbled upon one that I had apparently forgotten to dole out:
No, no your eyes do not deceive you. You are looking at a lollipop containing not one, but two count 'em TWO dead mealworms. Even better, this lollipop is over four years old.
Yes, I have posted a photograph of a really old piece of dusty candy containing two dead bugs. This, this is what makes the internet the place it is.
You know you want this candy.
Did I say want it?
Oh pish and tosh.
You covet this thing. After all, it's the only actual memento of the very first Big Adventure. Why that has to be worth oh, I don't know, 10 maybe even 15 cents!
Ah, but you know, there are some things money cannot buy and this would be one of them. This four-year-old piece of bug-ridden candy is not for sale, but it can be had.
Winter has gone on far too long this year. I'm a little blue and a lot tired these days. There is a definite silliness deficit in my life. Dagnabbit, I need to laugh. Thus, the person who makes me laugh the hardest gets the lollipop. Simple as that.
It's up to you how you do this. Got a funny story in your on-line journal or blog? Link to it in the comments below. Tell me your favourite joke. Write me an atrocious poem about how owning this lollipop could lead to world peace. It's up to you. Whatever you do, though, don't send it by e-mail. Please put it in the comments so it stays public and my Three Loyal Readers get to share in the laughter.
I'll keep up the silliness for a week or so and then decide on a winner.
There is one fly in the ointment, however. A few months ago the U.S. FDA set new rules for food coming into the U.S. Even if I had the patience to file the relevant paperwork to get this lollipop approved for import into the U.S., I'm thinking they might not welcome a four-year-old lollipop with two dead bugs in it.
I'm just saying.
So, if you're American and you win the lollipop, you're going to have to come visit me to pick it up and uh either eat it on the spot or get it back home on your own through nefarious doings of which I want no part. In the immortal words of Sgt. Schultz from Hogan's Heroes: "I see nothink. I hear nothink. I know nothink."
Please, I'm begging you, make me laugh. Consider it an act of pure mercy.
Oh man. This is going to be hard
Goal for 2004: 1,000 miles - 1609 kilometers
Want to delve into my sordid past?
She's mellllllllllllllting - Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2012 - Back off, Buble - Monday, Dec. 19, 2011 - Dispersed - Monday, Nov. 28, 2011 - Nothing comes for free - Monday, Nov. 21, 2011 - None of her business - Friday, Nov. 04, 2011 -
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