����Did you know I am a world authority on massive insane barking?

����Yep, type that query into the Google search engine, and this diary will be the first page to pop up. This mades me so happy I want to weep. No. Really. It's true.

����I was thinking about business cards -- Marn, World Authority On Massive Insane Barking -- but then the responsibility involved in actually acknowledging expertise in any field gave me pause. So for now the idea is on hold.

����But I want you to know I was really, really tempted, eh.

����I found out about this expertise because I bought the Diaryland Gold package. Now the folks at MarnCo, the big multinational company behind The Big Adventure, have actual statistics about the two readers who throng to this diary daily.

����(Did I tell you that somehow I managed to enter my country as Afghanistan when I was filling in the country portion of the on-line credit card order for the Gold Package? Yes, yes I did. You may want to avert your eyes, stupidity that blinding should never be looked at directly.)

����My personal stupidity aside, the gold package is great fun. It's been fascinating knowing that people who are looking for wrist tattoos, male strip bars in Montreal, Northgate keyboards, pictures of women embarrassed to pee, AND massive insane barking all end up on my doorstep.

����This would explain the e-mail I got a few days ago from a very nice gentleman called Jason O'Brien asking me, "hello whats this website about?"

����Well, from now on, nothing but massive insane barking, eh.

����After all, I AM the world authority, according to Google.

--Marn