����Fairy tales are often allegories, using their simple stories to convey a deeper meaning.

����For instance, the story of Hansel and Gretel prompts us to start eating disorders early in our children so the little anorexic darlings won't get eaten by witches; from Snow White's experience we know to keep fruit out of our diets; Little Red Riding Hood teaches us not to take care of elderly family members because if we do, we'll get eaten by wolves.

����I'm sure you'll all agree these are valuable life lessons.

����In that spirit, today I'm going to share a modern fairy tale with you.

����Ready?

����Alrightee then.

����Once upon a time there was a woman who lived in the ice and snow covered kingdom called Canuckia. One day she set off in search of sustenance for her family and on her way stopped at an Inn proudly called King of the Burgers for a snack.

����The serving wench was sporting a time piece of such clunky purple hideousness that the woman was immediately caught under it's spell. Mysteriously passing her hand over the side of the time piece, the wench was able to make it talk. That was the final marvel; the woman from Canuckia decided she MUST have one of these intriguing timepieces for her spouse.

����She handed over four cold coins and departed, clutching her treasure.

����After many adventures too incredible to relate, the woman returned to her home. She shyly produced the magical timepiece and presented it to her spouse. She expected him to make it say a few words, laugh, and then set it aside. The man is easily bored.

����However, the man was intrigued and all night long he bade the watch speak, filling the house intermittently with the sounds of a squeaky child's voice saying, "Listen to meeeeeeeeeeee."

����The woman was driven into the room with the glowing screen that links her to many places. Silently she prayed to any of the deities that might be listening To Make It Stop.

����Alas, only when sleep overtook the man did she find peace.

����The following day she hid the evil from the land of the King of the Burgers. Only time will tell if this subterfuge will work. And, um, oh yeah. They lived happily ever after. (I almost forgot to say that.)

����The End.

����As with all fairy tales, this one comes with a deeper meaning, a moral, if you will.

����The moral of this tale?

����Never buy anyone you live with a RugRats watch at Burger King.