����Are you sitting down?

����Ready?

����You could have Mortimer Moose come visit you for a week.

����Really. Your eyes are not deceiving you. Mortimer Moose. At your place. For a week!

����I know, I know. You're dizzy with excitement. You've been pinching yourself because you're SURE you must be dreaming.

����But you're not.

����Things are much, much too close here and we're starting to run out of time. We've gained a lot of ground in the SETI race with Team Betronic (boo hiss) but not enough. Mortimer has decided that if Team Newkirk (yay, yay) beats The Dutch Menace over at Team Betronic (boo, hiss) in our little SETI contest then he will personally visit one randomly selected Team Newkirk member for a week.

����That could be you. With Mortimer.

����(If any of you have fainted with excitement and bonked your head on something sharp on your way down I refuse to be held responsible. Look, I told you to sit down, eh.)

����Mortimer being Mortimer, he will not lounge around and eat all your bon bons and potato chips.

����Nor will he laze in front of the TV, drink all your beer, watch obscure sports and belch alot.

����Nosireebob.

����Mortimer is willing to help out.

����Among his many skills are: he can split and stack firewood, shovel your walk and he's not afraid of housework, either.

����MORTIMER DOES WINDOWS!

����Oh, and as if that in itself wasn't enough, Mortimer will read you a bedtime story every night he is at your home.

����Think of it. YOU could have Mortimer Moose THERE. With you. And not just lounging around. Nope. Chores. Willing to do chores.

����This offer is open to anyone who joins Team Newkirk and uploads a minimum of one SETI unit to the cause. All the names of these team members will be put in a hat, one name drawn, and the lucky winner will be e-mailed and offered a visit from Mortimer.

����All I ask is that you take good care of the little guy and if you have a camera take a picture or two to document his big adventures while he's with you.

����Oh, and you have to mail him back to me.

����I'll include return postage, of course.

����This is it. Your chance for a true brush with fame.

����Well, maybe not fame exactly.

����I suppose Mortimer's basically unknown, really.

����But he IS a moose. And he's cuddly. And he's wearing a really keen uniform. So this is your chance to hang out with a tiny cuddly moose in a keen uniform.

����Oh, stop looking at me that way.

����C'mon. Do it for the moose.

--Marn

SETI@home

There has been an outpouring of sympathy for the plight of one small moose. The incredibly cute and deeply talented Paul of Rilting fame has even made a button for the Do It For The Moose Campaign.