"I want your aged dildo cruising in my underwear," the anonymous web surfer typed into Google, dark, unfathomable desires shimmering in their eyes.
Google sifted through 1,346,966,000 web pages, ranked them carefully and then this is what met the surfer's hungry eyes.
Yes, when you're looking for aged underwear cruising dildos, you are looking for me. Really, I must update my resumé pronto.
Sadly, it appears that other parts of my sexual repertoire need work. You want to play with his balls? Well, apparently there are three other sites who have superior technique to mine. Fine. I'll get over this blow to my self-esteem.
Fortunately, Netscape is fully clued in to my Inner Slut. You're looking for an animal woman? Oh yeah, baby, you're looking for a middle-aged woman who obsesses about foxglove.
And while you and I know that I make Emily Dickinson look like a party animal, no need to spill the beans to the people who are looking for sordid party pictures,, right?
Nah, I didn't think so, either.
Yep, just another day in the neighbourhood.
Sometimes I'm kind of glad I don't know everyone who drops by, eh.
Want to delve into my sordid past?
She's mellllllllllllllting - Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2012 - Back off, Buble - Monday, Dec. 19, 2011 - Dispersed - Monday, Nov. 28, 2011 - Nothing comes for free - Monday, Nov. 21, 2011 - None of her business - Friday, Nov. 04, 2011 -
.:Adventures In Oz:.
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This template is a riff on a design by the truly talented Quinn. Because I'm a html 'tard, I got alot of pity coding to modify it from Ms. Kittay, a woman who can make html roll over, beg, and bring her her slippers. The logo goodness comes from the God of Graphics, the Fuhrer of Fonts, the one, the only El Presidente. I smooch you all. The background image is part of a painting called Higher Calling by Carter Goodrich which graced the cover of the Aug. 3, 1998 issue of The New Yorker Magazine. Kids, don't try viewing this at home without Netscape 6 or IE 4.5+, a screen resolution of 800 X 600 and the font Mead Bold firmly ensconced on your hard drive.
©2000, 2001, 2002 Marn. This is me, dagnabbit. You be you.