����Now I don't know about you, but when I'm eating something I do not like to have it staring back at me. Call me a sissy, but that's just the way I am. So you can just imagine my horror, eh.

����Coaxed the spousal unit to take me out to supper last night and I ordered the pan-fried trout because there's a trout farm not far from here and the fish is just superb.

����I'm expecting to see a fully boned filet, but when my plate comes what's laid artfully on a bed of tasty rice, garnished with a cluster of colourful veggies? A WHOLE FREAKIN' FISH with some sort of yummy brown but somewhat disgusting looking stuffing oozing from it's tummy.

����My spousal unit is far too easily amused. My expression kept him laughing far longer than I thought necessary.

����Did you know that it's very hard to eat something when you're trying not to look directly at it because it still has a head and eyes and all and is looking back at you somewhat enigmatically, with a slightly open mouth, as if it's getting ready to say something?

����(Charles Dickens may be the king of the run-on sentence, but by *insert name of deity of your choice here*, I'm in the running for the queenship! The Comma Is My Friend. But I digress ...)

����Anyhow, I'm just saying that this thing just looked way, way too much like a pan-fried version of those plastic singing fish you see sometimes on late night TV, you know? And who wants to eat something when you're afraid it will break into "Doo Wah Diddy Diddy" at any moment?

����Oh, and as if the singing/staring dealie wasn't enough, did you know that I have a major problem with fish bones, as in "Ack, eeek, a fish bone, I'm going to choke to death, call 911"? Yes, I have fish bone issues. I'm working on it. Can we just move along, please?

����All in all, it was not the relaxed, happy night out I was expecting.

����There are times when a short attention span is a great thing indeed. My non-stop whining ended and all was quickly forgotten when dessert came.

����After two forkfuls, I decided it had all been worth it, that the earlier part of the meal had been a test of sorts, leading me to One of The Big Truths.

����You see, last night I realized the route to enlightenment and perpetual bliss can be spelled out in five words:

����Carrot cake, cream cheese icing.

����Remember, you read it here first.