Wednesday, Feb. 06, 2002
Dear Diary:

����Pity sex. Ladies, I ask you, who amongst us has not at least once in her life granted pity sex?

����The topic of pity sex has been on my mind lately. It could have something to do with all the whimpering.

����Now, before you jump to conclusions, the spousal unit is not the one whimpering. No, it's Jeffy and Fade In, two of my beloved Beermates, a group of merry pranksters bound by its bottomless love of Diaryland, beer and monkeys.

����You'd think that having Diaryland, beer and monkeys would be enough for most folks, but no, not these two. They are constantly bemoaning the lack of the wimmens in their lives. Frankly, I'm worried.

����See, I've heard that Young Men Their Age Have Needs. If unfulfilled, These Needs could lead to Deadly Seminal Backup (DSB) and, well, if it gets severe enough there's a chance they could explode, eh.

����Imagine the mess THAT would make.

����Even worse, if they relieve the DSB by .:cough:. spanking the monkey .:cough:. well then they violate the Beermate's Oath to protect Diaryland, beer and monkeys.

����So while I've never been one to promote casual sex, I also find myself pondering the dilemma of how to keep two Beermates from exploding AND also leave them room to uphold their oath to protect monkeys.

����I think you can agree that our only option here is to find someone to grant them pity sex.

����So from now until Valentine's Day I'm campaigning to get pity sex for Jeffy and Fade In.

����I realize that many of my fellow wimmens are in committed relationships and/or just don't care for tripods, so the number of us in a position to offer pity sex may be limited. However, if you'd like to, you could display this banner until Valentine's Day, which will help publicize their plight.

Pity Sex for Fade In and Jeffy.

����The html for it is:

<center><a href="http://twelvebeer.pitas.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://marn.diaryland.com/images/pitysex.gif" width =468 height=60 alt="Pity Sex for Fade In and Jeffy." > </a></center>

����Oh, and Jeffy and Fade In?

����No need to thank me for this, eh.

--Marn

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This template is a riff on a design by the truly talented Quinn. Because I'm a html 'tard, I got alot of pity coding to modify it from Ms. Kittay, a woman who can make html roll over, beg, and bring her her slippers. The logo goodness comes from the God of Graphics, the Fuhrer of Fonts, the one, the only El Presidente. I smooch you all. The background image is part of a painting called Higher Calling by Carter Goodrich which graced the cover of the Aug. 3, 1998 issue of The New Yorker Magazine.

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�2000, 2001, 2002 Marn. This is me, dagnabbit. You be you.