Dear Diary:
����When I was a kid in the '50's there was a TV game show called "Queen For a Day". Women went on TV, told hard luck stories, and the audience would pick a winner who would get all the stuff people thought women dreamed about back then--top of the line appliances, house type stuff.
����Appliances don't much interest me, so I wouldn't go on a game show like that. But if they ever launch "Penis For a Day", all I can say is just don't stand between me and the line to sign up to be a contestant, eh.
����Now don't get me wrong. I enjoy being a girl (ummm, isn't there a Broadway show tune about this?) but The Tripods (a.k.a. guys) make such a big dealie about this penis business that I would like to have a real working one of my own for 24 hours just to see how it feels and all.
����I also like the idea of telling someone like Bob Barker why I should have a penis. I would look him straight in the eye and tell him I would use it to get world peace.
����(That's peace spelled p-e-a-c-e thank you very much, and just get your mind out of the gutter right this minute, please. Sheesh, homonyms are the curse of the English language.)
����Now where was I? Oh yes, my Why I Should Have a Penis Pitch. I mean, if Ms. America or Ms. Universe can use HER title to further world peace, the least I can do with my temporary penis is to help us all understand each other a little bit better.
����I realize it is NOT a toy and I will try not to play with it too much. No, really, I mean it and you can stop laughing any time, 'kay?
����I'm thinking I'm not alone in my curiosity about this. No less revered a figure than George Orwell, when he speculated what movies might be like in his book 1984, thought they would be called The Feelies and we'd be wired right into the sensations of the actors.
����In a sense, I'm just reflecting how far technology has come from Orwell's time. Now, with all the advances in transplant techniques, can hardwiring in new equipment be that far away?
����While I await the network programming geniuses stumbling on my idea, I'm working on a theme song for my game show.
����Is that song "If I Only Had a Brain" from the Wizard of Oz still under copyright? Hum along with me, here's my chorus: "I would be very tender, and I wouldn't abuse my member, if I only had a penis."
����Whatcha think?
����Sometimes I can be SUCH a big silly.
--Marn
P.S. The lovely, the talented, and the oh so much more alert than I Kaffeine just told me that The Feelies come from Aldous Huxley's "Brave New World". DOH!!! Boy is my face red. On the up side, this means I've actually read two--count 'em two--books in my life, even if I couldn't keep them straight, eh *sigh*. Love ya, Kaffy.
Want to delve into my sordid past?
She's mellllllllllllllting - Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2012 - Back off, Buble - Monday, Dec. 19, 2011 - Dispersed - Monday, Nov. 28, 2011 - Nothing comes for free - Monday, Nov. 21, 2011 - None of her business - Friday, Nov. 04, 2011 -
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�2000, 2001, 2002 Marn. This is me, dagnabbit. You be you.