Friday, Oct. 29, 2004
Dear Diary:

So I pulled up to the U.S. border wearing my Zombie aerobics instructor costume, complete with a top covered with gummi worms, but without make-up.

The guard asked my destination and I told him the gym. He asked me if I was going to leave anything in the U.S. and I said yes, I would be leaving some zombie blood and zombie skin products.

There was a pause while he considered that. We solemnly examined my $3 Hallowe'en make-up kit together.

"I have seen and heard many things, but this is my first zombie crossing," he said with a grin, and waved me through. We were both laughing.

Last night I managed to score some gummi worms at a gas station. Now you might thing that attaching gummi worms to a costume would be a piece of cake, but I am here to tell you that the gummi worm poses its own unique challenge.

I did not want to glue gun the gummi worm on because even if it would stick, it would ruin the tee shirt and I want to wear it afterwards because I love me that logo. So I decided that I would stitch the gummi worms on. One by one.

The gummi worm is pretty much pure sugar. One pass of the needle and thread through the gummi worm and said needle and thread were, uh, completely gummed up and sticky. This meant I had to continually wash them down with a damp cloth. This made the stitching of the gummi worm a very slow procedure. There was much soft cursing under my breath

When I began, I tacked the gummi worms in three or four places to set them in wonderfully twisty, worm-like positions. Five gummi worms in and I was tacking them on with one stitch and proclaiming that it was good enough. This left my last gummi worms looking dangly and flaccid.

Oh yes, there were some pitiful worms on my costume. I did not care. It took me over an hour to sew just a few gummi worms on my top. Did I sew any on my leggings?


I tried to figure out a way to affix them to my hair, but I could not. Do not judge me.

As I sat in my car in the parking lot of my gym making myself up, I came to realize that the sucking head wound? Not as easy to create as one might think. Putrid flesh was out of the question this year—really, you need to be home to make necrotic tissue—but if I get invited to a Hallowe'en party here in Canada I now know how to create my very own rotting skin.

Don't think I won't be putting that on my resumé.

What I ended up doing was tinting my white make-up kind of gray by adding a dab of black make-up. After I had applied it, I used an eyeshadow brush to dab more gray eyeshadow randomly into it to give my skin an unhealthy mottled effect, smudging the eyeshadow into the skin.

I made circles under my eyes, to give that weary look the undead all seem to have, but it wasn't pronounced enough.

I poured blood down the left side of my face, but I didn't understand how slowly it oozed—I should have done a practice gash, because then I would have realized that I needed to make a more horizontal sucking wound, rather than one that ran along my left temple.

You live and you learn about creating your very own sucking head wound.

So, this was the result:

My favourite moment? There is a daycare in the same building as my gym and mid-morning the tiny tots were paraded through the gym in their little Hallowe'en costumes. That much cuteness should never be permitted in a closed space. Seriously.

I was sitting down doing bicep curls when a little guy dressed as a devil stopped in front of me and asked me what I was. I told him I was a zombie. He looked me up and down. "I'm scarier than you are," he said, and strutted off.

Oh yes, I was dissed by a four-year-old. And Rodney Dangerfield thought he got no respect?


Mileage on the Marnometer: 788.92 miles.
Ten percent there rubber duck.Ten percent there rubber duck.25 per cent thereTen percent there rubber duck.Ten percent there rubber duck.Ten percent there rubber duck.Ten percent there rubber duck.25 per cent there
Oh man. This is going to be hard
Goal for 2004: 1,000 miles - 1609 kilometers

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