Dear Diary:

It could have been a tragedy, but through one of those unbelievable twists of fate that IS his life, Mortimer received a head injury which ended his amnesia. No, really, he did. And now, because of that, he remembers Dutchie, His One True Love.

This being the kind of universe which most definitely unfolds as it should, this miraculous turn of events happened on Valentine's Day, of course.

What are the odds?

It all came about because Mortimer is a gearhead. The moose loves anything that goes vroom, but is particularly fond of the skidoo.

Now I've told both Paul and Mortimer that the only safe way for the moose to ride on the skidoo is to sit on the seat behind the spousal unit, eh.

So as long as they're in sight, that's what happens, but the minute they're out of the yard, Mortimer begins to climb up Paul's back.

This is the way Paul and Mortimer SHOULD travel on the skidoo.The second they think I don't know what's happening, Mortimer scrambles up Paul's back.

The two speed demons tearing down the mountain.  Now I ask you, does this picture not spell disaster to you?  Huh?Once he makes it up to Paul's shoulder, he starts yelling for Paul to go faster and faster with predictable results. You just can't get this much testosterone on one skidoo and NOT have trouble, eh. This morning Mortimer got pitched into a snow bank headfirst and when he was lifted out he was unconscious.

They were travelling too fast and Paul couldn't make the corner, so Mortimer fell off his shoulder and pitched into the snow, head first.

There were some tense moments, but when Mortimer opened his eyes, the first word that passed his lips was,


Our intrepid hero didn't remember a thing between his moosenapping and waking up in the store where I bought him, but he sure does remember his young wife. He was a brave buckaroo when I explained the current situation to him, how he won't be reunited with his One True Love until the contest between Team Betronic (boo, hiss) and Team Newkirk (yay, yay) ends on March 1.

He keeps going back to the web site with her pictures and making soft little sighs of adoration.

Mortimer sent his beloved this valentine and he signed her guestbook. While I won't tell you everything he said, I can tell you he closed with the words:

"My arms miss you

My lips miss you

And all that other good stuff REALLY misses you!"

*Marn uses a kleenex to blot a sentimental tear, overcome with emotion.*

Yes, clearly, our Mortimer is seven inches of sweet talking studmuffin. That Dutchie is one lucky cow.



There has been an outpouring of sympathy for the plight of one small moose. The incredibly cute and deeply talented Paul of Rilting fame has even made a button for the Do It For The Moose Campaign.

Here's where the instructions are on how to get it.

Old Drivel - New Drivel

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Want to delve into my sordid past?
She's mellllllllllllllting - Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2012 - Back off, Buble - Monday, Dec. 19, 2011 - Dispersed - Monday, Nov. 28, 2011 - Nothing comes for free - Monday, Nov. 21, 2011 - None of her business - Friday, Nov. 04, 2011 -

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