Well today being St. Patrick's Day and all, EVERYONE wants to be Irish, even long dead German composers. Yep, behold Ludwig O'Beethoven, author of that much loved epic "Song of Joy Over Green Beer".

Oh, be quiet.

I saw him in a window in Montreal last weekend and it just cracked me up.

Living in a tiny place as I do, there won't be any parades or other St. Paddy's fun and foolishness. But never fear. While the rest of you are wondering just how long your urine is going to stay green, and if just maybe you should have quit after the sixth glass of emerald bubbly, I too will be wrestling with green dilemmas of my own.

I have called my dilemma Audrey III. You have my solemn oath that if she utters the words, "Feed me, Seymour" I will burn down the house and not look back.

I bought Audrey III a year ago last fall. She was just a pretty little philodendron, none of her branches were more than 25 cm or about a foot long. I popped her on top of our tallest bookcase so we'd have a touch of green. Little did I know that I had bought The Borg Queen of Philodendrons.

Today � today Audrey III doesn't have a branch under two meters or about seven feet long. Some are much, much longer. She is making a determined effort to take over the upstairs of our home. Could it be that resistance is futile?

I know in my heart that with a few quick snips of my pruning shears I could have Audrey III under control, eh. But the thing is, I'm oddly fascinated by this philodendron version of The Borg and I kind of want to see just how long she would eventually get.

It being St. Paddy's and all, it's about time for the annual Spring Cleaning Frenzy to begin here at our hovel, sweet hovel. Do I trim Audrey III to tidy up the place and make wall washing easier, or do I let her continue her plans for total world domination, beginning with my livingroom?