Canadians are a big ball loving people.

I can speak on this with some authority because two months ago my purple happy fun ball of pain, humiliation and torture was back ordered. Although it's hard to overstate my disappointment, I soldiered on because I was promised I would have one within two weeks.

Well, here it is almost Two Freaking Months, and still no sign of my ball. Apparently they sold out of them right across Canada and are waiting for the manufacturer to cough up new ones.

So if you're planning on visiting Canada any time soon, Leave Your Exercise Balls At Home. We're a desperate people facing a big ball shortage, and we might be driven to acts we wouldn't normally contemplate, eh.

Consider Yourselves Warned.

In the meantime, to fill the large gaping hole left in my life due to the absence of the purple happy fun ball of pain, humiliation and torture, I'm now the proud owner of two brand spanking new barbells.

Oh yeah. Some women you buy flowers, candy, jewelry or nice clothes.

Me, I go ga ga over large hunks of heavy metal.

Did I mention that they're shiny?

Oh yes, they're obscenely chromed. I could have gone for something tasteful, but the minute I saw The Disco Dumbbells I knew they had to be mine.

Did I mention that they're shiny?

If you had said to me a year ago, "Marn, over the next year ... rain, sleet, snow or shine, you're going to haul your aged carcass to a gym three times a week and sweat your little heart out", well a year ago I would have called the guys with the big butterfly nets to come and take you away.

And now, here I am, buying Disco Dumbbells.

Did I mention that they're shiny?

--Marn