����Last night we watched that old holiday classic "Alien 3" on the teevee.

����What, you were expecting "It's A Wonderful Life"?

����I hate and loathe scary movies, but with the gore loving daughter home for the holidays I now get outvoted when it comes to movie choices, so Alien it was. I was the one on the sofa with her hands over her eyes, watching the movie through tiny gaps between my fingers, making soft whimpering sounds from time to time.

����Seeing the incredibly buff Sigourney Weaver reprising her role as Ripley did have one good effect--it made me haul my butt down to the gym this morning and work out.

����And that's how I came to set eyes on The Woman Who I Now Hate More Than Anyone Else in the World.

����First off, let me admit that it's not her fault. I have no logical reason to hate this woman; heck, I don't even know her name. She's just a woman about my height, in her late 20's, who has a perfect body and is insanely strong. Oh, and she's blonde and pretty.

����I hate her guts.

����See, the deal is that except for the lady weight lifter (who I feel doesn't count because she kind of looks like a third gender) I have for the last month or so considered myself The Strongest Woman At My Gym. I am throwing some serious metal around now.

����I really hate to admit this about myself, but I can still be scarily competitive about the things which matter to me. Although I've been trying for years to get that side of my personality under control, occasionally Marn Warrior Princess rises up and smites mighty blows upon those she considers her competitors.

����Of course, this all happens within my head.

����Yes, yes I do have a rich inner life.

����I guess The Woman Who I Now Hate More Than Anyone Else in the World was working out at another time during the day at my gym, because I haven't seen her before this morning.

����But let's face it, only the extremely um dedicated fitness folks are going to show up at a gym the day before Christmas. (I think the spousal unit's use of the term "deranged fanatics" to describe those of us at the gym today is out of line, don't you?)

����So, anyhow, it all began at the leg press. I had put 210 pounds on the machine, which added to the 125 pounds the sled itself weighs means I can move 335 pounds on that puppy now. So I do my three sets of 12 reps, get up, and I'm about to move the weights off when The Woman Who I Now Hate More Than Anyone Else in the World comes over and says she wants to use the machine.

����I offer to remove some weight for her, and she says not to bother BECAUSE SHE NEEDS MORE WEIGHT THAN THAT. You can well imagine my horror.

����SHE does her three sets of 12 reps, takes a break AND DOES THREE SETS MORE.

����I hate her guts, eh.

����She systematically used every machine I use (and a few I don't) and put more weight on and did more reps than I can.

����Oh, and she barely sweated and her hair stayed perfect whereas I get all sweaty and blotchy and my hair gets all weird by the end of my workout.

����I hate her guts, eh.

����Okay, so now I have a new goal for the new year. Look, I'll admit it--I've been a bit bored and slacking a bit during my workouts, but this is now a thing of the past.

����Woman Who I Hate More Than Anyone Else in the World, prepare yourself. I am about to smite you to bits. Really. I Mean It.

����You can buy BenGay in bulk, right?