Tuesday, Apr. 06, 2004
Dear Diary:

Sunday morning it was 10C/50F, with only scattered patches of snow visible in the woods. Spring was in full throttle, and we were all giddy.

Even my cats could not stand to be in the house and actually cut back on their badly needed 22 1/2 hours of daily sleep to play outside. It was a joy for me to run for an hour on our back road feeling the warm sun on my face.

So of course Sunday night a cold front moved in and dumped six inches of snow on us because Apparently We Are Not Allowed Spring. Ignore that soft thump thump thump sound you hear in the background. It's only me hitting my head on my mousepad.

The cats now have spent the last two days running to the door begging for me to open it, only to recoil in horror when they see that it is winter out there. From the looks they are shooting me, They Are Holding Me Personally Responsible For The Weather. Moods have soured. We are all testy.

If my cats had business cards, right now Norma's would read: "Norma, boss of Marn and arch-nemesis of Zubby." Zubby's would be "Zubby, boss of spousal unit and arch-nemesis of Norma". Enid's would be "Miss Congeniality".

What this means is that Enid happily gambols through her day assuming that gosh darn it everyone loves her. Meanwhile Norma and Zubby spend their days hatching Byzantine plots against each other. Many of these plots involve stalking each other and scheming to possess the end of the sofa.

Because we are puny humans, to us the end of the sofa is just a place to sit, but to Zubby the end of the sofa is The Holy Land. It is The Best Place In The World To Sleep, the place where he prefers to spend most of his badly needed 22 1/2 hours of daily sleep. Because Zubby wants this small corner of our home, Norma now wants it too.

Note how Norma even imitates his position.What Norma has taken to doing is sprawling on the sofa beside Zubby while he sleeps, waiting for him to go downstairs to take a bathroom break or get something to eat. I'm sure this gets on his last nerve, having his arch-nemesis breathing down his neck. The minute he vacates The Holy Land, Norma moves in. Zubby comes back upstairs to find The Best Place In The World occupied by Evil Incarnate.

He is, of course, stunned by this unforeseen turn of events.

WHAT KIND OF COLD, UNCARING UNIVERSE WOULD ALLOW EVIL INCARNATE TO OCCUPY THE HOLY LAND?

Norma gives him the classic "Finders keepers, losers weepers LOSER" look and nonchalantly licks her nether regions before sprawling out luxuriously in The Best Place In The World. Zubby mulls over his options. You can almost hear the wheels turning.

Then, in a stroke of amazing originality, Zubby climbs up on the sofa to the place recently vacated by Norma and awaits her departure.

This goes on all day. It's non-stop intrigue around here, I tell you, non-stop.

Which, of course, leaves us with The Big Question. What's sadder here?

1) the intense interest the cats take in who gets the end of the sofa or

2) the intense interest I take in who gets the end of the sofa

Hrm.

--Marn

Mileage on the Marnometer: 294.63 miles. Ten percent there rubber duck.Ten percent there rubber duck. 25 per cent there
Oh man. This is going to be hard
Goal for 2004: 1,000 miles - 1609 kilometers

Going Nowhere Collaboration

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2000, 2001, 2002 Marn. This is me, dagnabbit. You be you.