Thursday, November 7, 2002
Dear Diary:

I own a homicidal appliance.

It's official: my toaster is out to get me.

Oh, There Have Been Signs that things haven't been good between us for a few weeks now, but I've tried to play them down.

My toaster has been throwing a lot of 'tude at me lately, ignoring the levels I have so carefully set and instead toasting my bread any way it wants. There are times when this results in barely warmed bread instead of toast. There are times when I've looked over to the toaster and seen smoke wafting out of its top because it has decided to char my bread.

I have been putting up with it. I decided to gut out our disintegrating relationship until Christmas, and so I put a new toaster on my Christmas list.

I think my toaster Somehow Got Word of This and has decided that if He Has To Go He's Taking Me With Him.

This morning I was making my morning toast, with one eye on my moody toaster. I heard the little "pop" sound it normally makes to indicate it's finished its toasting duties, so I decided I could put my full attention to the last few paragraphs of the article I was reading in Harpers.

Then I smelled burning.

I looked over and to my horror saw that my toaster had only partially popped up and left himself merrily toasting away. Gray smoke was billowing out of the top of the toaster, and my toast was a deep black. I raced over and unplugged the devious appliance, which fortunately sits on non-flammable ceramic tile counter. I'm not sure how close it was to catching fire, and I don't want to know.

All bets are off now. Oh, I was willing to gut things out, to let bygones be bygones, but this time The Toaster Has Gone Over The Line.

Tomorrow I buy his replacement and my homicidal toaster goes to The Big Landfill in the Sky.

That will teach him, eh?

--Marn

Old Drivel - New Drivel


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Want to delve into my sordid past?
She's mellllllllllllllting - Wednesday, Feb. 15, 2012 - Back off, Buble - Monday, Dec. 19, 2011 - Dispersed - Monday, Nov. 28, 2011 - Nothing comes for free - Monday, Nov. 21, 2011 - None of her business - Friday, Nov. 04, 2011 -


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