Wednesday, Aug. 10, 2005
Dear Diary:

On the surface my mission seemed so simple.

While the days are still hot here, the nights are cool now and I wanted to find a simple, long sleeved tee shirt. I think I will have better luck finding a unicorn.

I had three criteria:
1) must be a cotton poly blend since a dash of polyester helps things keep their shape
2) must be a colour I can stomach
3) must be completely free of any logos, text, or images

I cannot begin to tell you the horrors I faced in local stores.

The first tee shirt I saw was covered with the words "Naughty Girl".

Naughty Girl.

I tried envisioning my 54-year-old self with the words "Naughty Girl" swirling over my torso.

Did you know that people look very nervous when they see a 54-year-old woman in a department store cackling for no apparent reason? Oh yes, they do.

The next tee shirt on the rack had an image of a monkey with its paw thrust out, said paw wearing an enormous ring topped with sequins. Under the monkey the immortal words "Bling Bling" were written.

Do I fit into the demographic that would wear a bling bling sporting monkey on her chestal region?

No, no I do not.

A few of the other designs I saw, because, seriously, some horrors must be shared:
1) the word Hottie in sequins across the chestal region
2) the words I *heart* Me with the heart an actual heart constructed of red sequins
and my personal all time favourite:
3) a design meant to convey that oh yes, the wearer is a sk8r chick. Only one of those was left, so clearly there is a large sk8r chick population out here in the boonies.

Who knew?

Despite several hours of meticulous hunting and gathering, I must report that there was not a single, plain long sleeved cotton poly tee shirt to be found anywhere locally.

What is it with clothes? Why can't I find something simple, understated and well made in a colour that doesn't want to make me wash my eyes out with soap?

I refuse to give up. Somewhere out there is a plain, long sleeved cotton poly tee shirt completely free of images, words or logos. I just know it.

It's probably in a store where unicorns shop.


P.S.—What he said.

Mileage on the Marnometer: 814.92 miles. 10 per cent rubber duck10 per cent rubber duck10 per cent rubber duck10 per cent rubber duckhalf way smooch10 per cent rubber duck Over half way there. Oh, man, please let this be over

Goal for 2005: 1,250 miles - 2000 kilometers

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