So now that they have the human genome mapped, I'm guessing it's just a matter of time before they find and correct the tragic flaw in the Y chromosome that leaves many men unable to remove an empty roll from the toilet paper dispenser and attach a new roll.

That's not to say that some women aren't afflicted with Empty Roll Syndrome (ERS), but much like colour blindness ERS seems to be a predominately male problem.

I walked in to my gym this morning to find it full of nothing but guys. The sign-in sheet showed only one other woman had appeared so far that day. I changed in the women's locker room and went into the unisex bathroom. The toilet paper dispenser had been shorn of the last sheet, and an empty tube sat where fluffy bottom swiping goodness should reside.

I glanced around the room.

Propped up on the sink was a semi-fresh roll of toilet paper which had obviously seen some use.

Alright, let's all put on our deerstalker hats and play Sherlock Holmes. What had happened here?

Elementary, my dear Watson.

Someone had opened the cupboard right beside the toilet and taken out one of the fresh rolls of toilet paper left as emergency, back-up buttal hygiene products. The newish roll had not been affixed to the toilet paper dispenser. Instead, it had been left by the sink and was damp in places because it had been splashed by people washing their hands.

Mmmmm mmmmm good.

Similar incidents have happened in my own home. I have a good idea who the perpetrator is, but for the sake of domestic tranquility Names Will Not Be Named.

Are we talking rocket science when we are talking about taking the empty tube from the toilet paper dispenser and sliding a new roll upon the dispenser?

Is it so hard to arrange things so the person coming after you in the bathroom doesn't have to worry about handling e-coli riddled paper products?

I think not.

That said, I think we can all agree that there has to be a medical basis for this situation, some tragic genetic flaw similar to colour blindness that leaves the person affected completely unaware of what they are missing.

As I removed the empty tube at my gym and swapped a new fresh roll of toilet paper into the dispenser, I took a moment to be grateful that I was spared this syndrome.

ERS. Remember, when you see the research telethon, please give generously.

--Marn

Mileage on the Marnometer: 245.6 miles (395.2 kilometers)
Goal for 2003: 500 miles - 804.5 kilometers