Nukezilla, our behemoth of a microwave, passed away Tuesday while in the middle of reheating a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs for the spousal unit.

One moment he was happily humming away, counting down the seconds until he could loudly announce the completion of his task, the next moment he was silent, the cheery digital glow of his clock/timer extinguished forever.

The spousal unit took heroic measures to try to save him, checking electrical circuits, the fuse box and Nukezilla himself to see if some internal fuse had hiccuped. It was all for naught.

Nukezilla is resting comfortably in a corner of Dogpatch and the viewing will go on until Sunday when the trash collectors will take him to The Big Magnetron in the Sky.

I must admit that his passing did not come as a total surprise. A veteran of the era when they spray painted fake wood grain on the metal sides of microwaves, Nukezilla had been showing his age for the last few years. There were times when we would have to unplug him because his little beeper would not stop beeping. There were other times when he was mute, when he would just refuse to announce that his work was done.

Still, he's the only microwave we've ever owned, and, well He Will Be Missed.

Nukezilla was insanely huge. There was room enough to microwave a largish turkey in him. The fact that I have only cooked one turkey in my 52 years, and that one turkey was baked in an oven, means nothing. Just knowing that I could microwave a turkey if the need arose was an enormous comfort to me. So, when I went out shopping yesterday for Nukezilla, The Sequel, size mattered.

Well, I don't know how to break it to you young people, but the microwaves of today are mere shadows of the microwaves of Nukezilla's generation. It's shocking, really. Oh, sure, they have one touch this and one touch that, and there is the cute little revolving tray thingie but people, if you ever want to irradiate an enormous hunk o' poultry into an unappetizing hunk of off-white barely edible protein, You Cannot Do It.

You can well imagine my horror.

In the end, I came home with the stainless steel microwave they had on sale at our local Canadian Tire. Oh, it's spiffy in a high tech sort of way, and I will admit that it has a lot of features that Nukezilla didn't have, but oh man, it's PUNY. The spousal unit claims that it's plenty big enough to meet all my needs, but, well, I'm just not sure.

You know, it's true what they say--You Never Quite Get Over Your First.

Nukezilla, buddy, I'm glad it was you.

--Marn

Mileage on the Marnometer: 315.68 miles (507.9 kilometers)
Goal for 2003: 500 miles - 804.5 kilometers