As of 7:42 a.m. today I became proud owner of The Stealth Toilet, a toilet equipped with the cutting edge of toilet refilling technology.

I can feel your envy from here.

No more ballcock, no more floating ball, no more odd whining sound as the toilet fights the ball to fill that last few inches of the tank. Just the quiet woosh of a rapidly filling tank and then a soft little plop sound as the valve shuts itself off.

As the box says "Laboratory tests prove the Korky QuietFill is 2 to 3 times quieter than other fill valves."

Am I the only one who imagines Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his trusty assistant Beaker conducting this research, especially considering we're discussing a piece of equipment christened The Korky QuietFill?

Let us all pause and imagine a lab full of flushing toilets and our two Muppet friends.

Minutes of fun right there.

You'd think that would be enough, but my three loyal readers will be amazed to hear that The Excitement Does Not End There! As an unexpected bonus, the tank fills more quickly than it ever did before.

Now I realize that shaving a few seconds off the Mean Time Between Flushes (MTBF) may not seem like a big deal to you right now, but let's see where you stand on this issue after an evening spent gorging at your local Casa Burrito.

For example.

Not that anyone *I* know would ever be capable of gastro-intestinal foolhardiness on that scale.